How I Part My Hair

by Cristina | Last Updated: February 16, 2021

I never realized how controversial a hair part could get. You want to know which way I part my hair?  Depending on the day, whichever way it looks the least dirty.  Truly that is it. Whether my hair will be a side part or down the middle is solely based on which style looked more acceptable post dry shampoo. 

If you see me with my hair slicked back and in a bun- understand that you should not get too close to my hair. On a slicked back bun day I have likely gone one day beyond what you would consider an acceptable time to not wash one’s own hair.  Sorry, not sorry.  Washing my hair yesterday would have robbed me of the 20 minutes it took me to help my daughter with her math homework.  You see it requires me watching several you tube videos where some nice lady teaches me how to do common core fractions, so that both my children and I can survive this afternoon without anyone banging their head against a table. 

There are so many things to worry about. I’ve never wished to be a dog more in my entire life. Between having survived year one of a global pandemic, worrying about my parents and basically all the “elderly” people in our lives, stressing about our children’s well being and also teaching them at home, worrying about our businesses, worrying about our society as a whole, a toxic presidential election, plus the other day to day shit of you know, being an adult, now I have to hear that there’s a movement of Gen Z kids telling me I can’t side part my hair anymore because it makes me look old?! 

Young ladies, gather around.  Let me tell you a story about a lady who DOES NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT! It also leaves me wondering how do you have time for this shit?

Why don’t you do things that would actually be, I don’t know, helpful?  For example you could send me your playlists. I admit it- your playlists are probably better than mine. You know what else is helpful?Those tutorials. Honestly if not for you I would not know how to do my hair when I do find the time to wash it every 4 (ok really 7) days. 

As I have been trying to tell you dry shampoo saves lives.