Surviving Weekly

Do I Need a Social Media Intervention

Do you know how often you use Instagram? Because your Iphone can tell you.  Before I tell you how- are you sure you want to know? Personally, I don’t recommend doing it, because if you’re anything like me you probably will find out that you use it WAY TOO MUCH! But hey, who am I to stop you… Go to Settings > Battery and voi la! Feeling good about yourself?

The people who are familiar with Instagram, know that Instagram is this place we can go and pretty much just fall into a hole of other people’s lives in this way that is not quite normal or healthy for us, but we just don’t care.

Just this weekend I went on Instagram to show someone a picture of my niece and ended up on Priyanka Chopra’s feed looking at her street style from May 2017.  I digress…

I truly love Instagram.  I can go on check out what news is happening in the world, find funny memes, see some fashion inspo, home decor inspo, catch some friend’s babies, and then get off and go about the next 5 minutes of my day before I check it again.

I’m breaking down Instagram and more… Hope the Blood Moon and Mercury Retrograde were nice to you this weekend.  We played it safe and just stayed in pajamas for 48 hours.  Slothish glory!

xx
Cristina

Be a Friend and Forward this to Your Bestie or Share on Facebook

Happy Birthday, Miami! 

Happy Birthday, Miami! 122 years ago, Julia Tuttle came along and had the foresight to establish this gem of a city at the tip of a peninsula.  She convinced her friend Henry Flagler to extend the railroad on down in exchange for some land and the rest is history.  For more details click HERE.  Also shout out to Miami for being the only major American city established by a woman!

Of course since 1896, a lot has happened.  In a nutshell: (thank you Wikipedia) it prospered in the 1920’s, weakened in it’s first real estate bubble burst in 1925, got hit by a Hurricane in 1926, Great Depression in the 1930s, during World War II played a big part in the battle against German submarines (which brought population to 1/2 a million), when Fidel took over in 1956 Cubans emigrated (also increasing population), the Cocaine Cowboy wars, Arthur McDuffie beating, Hurricane Andrew, the Elián González affair, it’s more recent real estate bubble burst, and yet Miami continues to grow and develop itself as an emerging international, financial and cultural hub.

Irregardless… it brought us this: (click the image for full video)

For those who are interested…. the hilarious geniuses behind Shit Miami Girls Sayhave developed a podcast.  Find that HERE.

Instagram

Since we are on the topic of Instagram today… I have some IG trivia for you… who would you guess are the three most followed people on Instagram right now? I said: Beyonce, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry.  WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

1.  Selena Gomez with 139 Million
2.  Cristiano Ronaldo with 136 Million
3.  Ariana Grande with 124 Million

Check out the rest of the list HERE

For being the three most followed people, I didn’t follow any of them.  So I guess the joke is on them.

Some people reading may not be entirely too familiar with Instagram, so for those people HERE is a quick tutorial.

Instagram can be a place that you go to for information, and if you happen to be a person with any self-control whatsoever it can be a positive thing in your life.   A place that you check once maybe twice a day to escape your day, and catch up on things and people that interest you. I get asked from time to time who I am following, or if I have any new good follows.  The answer is always yes- because as I have established in this newsletter is I use it WAY TOO MUCH! So here are a few suggestions of people to follow based on category:

Funny: they need no introduction:
The Fat Jewish
CurbYourLarryDavid
GirlWithNoJob

Positive Inspiration 
Cleo Wade : she just shines light and love into your feed
The Daily Stoic : daily reminders to keep your shit together

Business 
Marie Forleo: writer, life coach, and so inspiring.  Just offers great tips and insight for anyone starting their own business or just looking for guidance.
Tim Ferriss: he is a very controversial name in our household, but his books have been groundbreaking for both my husband and I- and is a great follow.

Celebrity BFF
Kristen Bell: Always hilarious and real.  One day she will realize I am the best friend she has been looking for
Chrissy Teigen: speaks for itself…. but if you aren’t o yourself a favor!

Home Decor Inspo 
Amber Lewis: one day when I become an adult, I will try to emulate what Amber does in all her projects
Emily Henderson: I second what I just said with Amber and apply it here.

News 
CNN:
National Geographic

Party Hosting 
FashionableHostess: she constantly gives you inspo for dinner parties you are most certainly never going to have but so pretty to look at
Christina Manso: party planner heaven, the parties she has thrown are so detailed and incredible

Fashion 
Something Navy (obviously) I have a box titled “things Something Navy told me to buy”
Maria Tettamanti because I am into fashion but she shows me a little variety and is HILARIOUS!

Health 
Julie Roth (PaleOMG)- healthy recipes that are easy to do and delicious
Amanda Kloots – her dance routine kicks my butt! And she constantly gives little moves you can do at home

Standouts 

Lebron James has just opened his IPromise School in Akron, Ohio.  I dare you to read the article and not get teary eyed.  Such a bold and creative move to help kids in neighborhoods with high drop out rates.  Lebron has built out a brand new school packed with every school supply they can need, and some of the best educators they could find.  Click HERE for more details.  Excuse me while I go buy my kids some Lebron memorabilia.

Since we are on the topic of Lebron James.. remember THIS when the Harlem Shakewas the viral dance heard around the internet?

Trying to be an Instagram Influencer? Well one of the biggest, @thefatjewish is here to tell you that the time to influence is coming to an end.  Click HERE for full article.

Tesla was having a hard time turning a profit, so Elon Musk did a limited edition surfboard collection.  Each surfboard was only $1,500 and there were only 200 made, all of which sold out within 24 hours. Anyone of you get one? Want to invite me to try it out? No?  Full story HERE

Life of a TV Addict 

As we have established, time and time again, I watch too much TV.

What’s on my list to watch next? Right now I’m still in Money Heist, and just started Orange is the New Black (which is amazing by the way) But I’m not sure what to do next…
Have a suggestion? Let me know

HERE what is coming to and leaving  Netflix this month! Highlights:
Like Father: New Netflix movie starring Kristen Bell, Seth Rogen, and Kelsey Grammer.  She gets left at the altar and I would imagine chaos ensues… Check out the trailer HERE 

It’s Television Critics Association week, which basically means all of our favorite actors from all of our favorite shows gathered to pitch their current or new shows to the critics.  Anyone know someone, who may know someone, who can get me invited next year? Catch all the pictures HERE

Infomania:
a.  an obsessive need to constantly check emails, social media websites, online news, etc.: The fear of being out of the loop, not in the know, fuels infomania, especially among teens.
b. the effects of this obsession, especially a decline in the ability to concentrate

Ever wondered to yourself whether you get more or less wet in the rain depending on if you run or walk? Well apparently there was a whole study on this very question in the UK and the answer? You get less wet if you run, which is really devastating to someone like me because I’m a walker.

If you haven’t- do yourself a favor and watch Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee– John Oliver’s Episode Click HERE (19 minutes)

“How to NOT kill yourself pt 1
Avoid being around people who make you want to kill yourself”
James Corden has been on fire lately… so here is a new clip from this week and a little Britney came on Jimmy Fallon and well, #itsbritneybitch
James Corden goes sky diving with Tom Cruise and has all the feelings.
Jimmy Fallon + Britney Spears are camp besties in the latest #ew sketch

Newsletter XV: Party Like It’s 1999
Monday, July 2, 2018

Summer Time and the Living is Easy
So they say…

I don’t want to brag, but the reason there was no newsletter last week is because we were on vacation! Before you roll your eyes for my not so humble brag, you must know it was with my kids, so technically I lived the same life I live in Miami just in New England.  I did three loads of laundry in one week– I never do laundry.  I still had to cut steaks, hover over distracted kids who didn’t want to eat and try to keep it sober before dark.  This was less vacation more work trip.

But it was AWESOME! Truly just to step out of 100 degree weather and routine, and spend days and nights with our little circus was heaven on earth.

All good things must come to an end.  Back to real life.  I have a 90’s theme going on for today.  I just love that the 90’s seem to be making a comeback.  Probably too much, I probably love it too much.  Hopefully it keeps you entertained for a minute.

Also Happy 4th of July! Hope you all enjoy your random, not weird at all, day off in the middle of the week.

xx
Cristina

All The Things I Love About the 90’s

I fell into a pit of nostalgia, which if I am being honest- I’m still in.  I loved growing up in a time where fashion was dictated by MTV, music was transitioning into something more diverse and you had more variety to choose from.  One day I could blast Pearl Jam and the other I can sit in my room and blast Mariah.  Bliss.  Read more about this 90’s journey click below.

Want to Feel Old AF

Watch these kids who were born around 1995 listen to 90’s music and react.  I don’t want to mess this up for you, but some of their reactions hurt, bad.  Shout out to the kid Carlos who is wearing the DARE sweatshirt. #poorCoolio #ariannaisNOTmariah #greendayisWAYbetterthanpanicatthedisco #somethingthatcomesonmymomspandora

Random Stuff From Around the Internet

Yes way Frozé! Jennifer Garner posted her recipe for Frozé the other day on Instagram, and she’s become my favorite social media chef (Sorry, Ina).  Check it out HERE just in time for your 4th of July BBQ.

Since we are full 90’s theme- HERE is the article I wrote when I was looking back trying to figure out how we even made it out alive.

Dear 1995: You know how if you kept a diary during your most adolescent obnoxious time in high school and found it as an adult you would probably be mortified?  Well not Gwen.  Gwen is a very smart, hilarious adult who has stumbled up on her diary from 1995, but rather than duck her head in shame- has made it into a podcast.  Each segment Gwen reads a diary entry and then proceeds to make fun of how ridiculous little Gwen was plus other amazing things that were going on in that year as it was the 90’s. Check it out HERE

Zack Morris is Trash is a compilation of videos on Funny or Die that argues that Zack Morris was actually the worst friend ever.  Sigh, my dreams of joining Zack Attack are dashed.  Click HERE to check out the immense pile of evidence against our little Zacky.

Did you read that article I wrote about all the Teen Beat Heartthrobs and where they are now? Well you can do that right now.

Speaking of 90’s Teen Beat Heartthrobs- did you catch the Leo DiCaprio Instagram post seen around the world.  It features Leo and Brad Pitt in character for their movie, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood which is directed by Quentin Tarantino and stars basically everyone including Margot Robbie, Burt Reynolds, Emile Hirsch and Dakota Fanning — movie is set to come out August 2019.   So God bless Leo for giving us this little sneak peak.

Since I can always continue discussing heartthrobs, did anyone catch the Backstreet Boys singing with Jimmy Fallon and the Roots “I Want it That Way?”  As we know I was always more of an *NSYNC girl myself, but I can’t resist a group of men, dressed in white, and playing classroom instruments singing a song I never truly understood.

Paul McCartney is not exactly from “the 90’s” but since he is timeless this counts and therefore on theme.  For those who haven’t had 24 minutes to spare, may I make the argument to take them now.  Paul and James go around London singing all the classics but with excellent backstory.  In these times, it’s always good to come across something that is just pure joy.  Click HERE or on the Image.

TV Addict Update 
As we have established, time and time again, I watch too much TV.

Glow– is back for Season 2 on Netflix.  It’s not quite 90’s but is set in 1985 Los Angeles so it’s close enough.  If you haven’t seen season 1- get on it.  It’s about the start of women’s wrestling and is straight up hilarious.

I thought that I would give you a list of some of my favorite 90’s shows available for binge.

  • Felicity (HULU)
  • Friends (Netflix)
  • Dawson’s Creek (Hulu- and yes I KNOW I have a problem)
  • Seinfeld (Hulu)
  • ER (Hulu)

Some of you follow me on Instagram, and some of you don’t (no hard feelings- but what are you waiting for CLICK HERE ).  For those that do- I am proud to report that I caught up on Jane the Virgin and WOW! We will not discuss how quickly I did it.   Also found out that Gina Rodriguez (Jane) is kind of an amazing human being who just funded college scholarship for an undocumented high school student.  Read more HERE.

What’s on my list to watch next?  I am trying to get back into Westworld because I’ve heard it’s absolutely insane and I haven’t made it past episode 2.  Anyone have words of encouragement?

Have a show that you think I must watch? Contact me HERE! Or just reply! I love to hear from you.

Bachelor Nation- Assemble! Last week I didn’t watch.  I promise to watch this week.
Crunk:
To get crunked is “to be amped up about something.” Whether you are excited about an upcoming concert or a new pair of shoes, using the word crunk to describe your enthusiasm will surely show the hype.
For more 90’s words that we miss click HERE
Jennifer Aniston didn’t love her Friends haircut, the Rachel—in fact, she called it “the ugliest haircut I’ve ever seen”
90’s Throwbacks By All Your Favorites
Friends cast reprise their roles with special guest star, Jimmy Kimmel starring as Ross
It isn’t the 90’s if the Red Hot Chillipeppers weren’t on the radio
Jimmy takes on Bayside High and I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so.. I’m so….
Alicia Silverstone reprises her role as Cher in this epic Lip Sync battle vs Mena Survino and I’m totally buggin

Newsletter XIV: The Cat’s in the Cradle
Monday, June 18, 2018

An Ode to Dads
I want to wish all the dads out there a Happy Belated Father’s Day.  I spent the weekend with all the men in my life.  You may not know this about me but there are a LOT of men in my life.  My dad is one of 9 siblings so I am heavy in the uncle and aunt department.

One can say there is good and bad to being raised in such a big family, but in my experience it’s been mostly good.  I learned at a young age to show no weakness (for it would be exploited), to take a joke (made at my expense), and take nothing personal (even if it felt very personal).

This took time.  I didn’t wear sleeveless tops for years because an uncle made fun of me oneSunday about how skinny my arms were (God how I wish someone would tell me my arms were skinny now).  However in junior high when the boys would make fun of me for being flat chested, I was able to journey on because nothing any of those little boys said came close to the line of jokes my uncles would give me.  I was called a “pirate’s dream” for longer than I care to remember {you get it- sunken chest}.

My dad never made fun of me though, not for my appearance anyway.  He was the cool young dad that all my friends wanted to hang out with.  Like all humans he has his faults.  But if not for my dad I wouldn’t have known Tom Petty, Pearl Jam or Fleetwood.  He always made sure I was dreaming big and made sure I knew I could accomplish anything I set out for.  He had a wicked temper, but an even fiercer sense of humor.  He could make even the most serious person laugh hysterically over the course of one conversation.  I’ve always admired that most about him.  He will definitely never read this, but I thought it was the appropriate day to share just a little bit about my pops.  We always joke, that he was around too much- but I think it was just right.

Here’s a newsletter with dad-friendly content but with a little lady twist.

xx
Cristina

Someone Found a Way to Make Golf Interesting 

The Perfect Gift For Dad

The good people at Frida Baby, notorious for bringing parents the Nose Frida  and more insanely strange but THE MOST useful products- have done it again!   Frida Balls are the perfect underwear designed to keep dad’s junk protected.  Each pair of Frida Balls has a protective pouch to help dad fend off those Saturday morning bed jumps, or just the accidental swift kick to the… you get what I’m saying.

My husband is upset about this for two reasons.  First it wasn’t  around when our kids were all about eye level with his junk, which is when he could have really used a pair.  Finally because he didn’t think of this.  Genius!

I use the word interesting very loosely.  Happy Birthday Phil Mickelson, and thank you for making the US Open somewhat interesting.  For those who didn’t have the pleasure of catching any of the US Open this weekend [because you were doing literally anything else], you missed one for the books.
Phil Mickelson hit a ball while it was moving to stop it from sliding- and got a two stroke penalty {am I saying that right?} and while I am typing this I realize this isn’t that interesting at all BUT for the world of golf it was dramatic as hell watching it unfold click HERE to watch it and see Twitter do it’s thing.
Random Stuff That Happened Last Week
It’s hard to write this newsletter and ignore what is happening right now with the migrant children being separated from their families and placed in warehouses and the like.  I don’t believe politicians should use children as leverage to accomplish any purpose.  I felt helpless and heartbroken, but did find this organization called Together Rising.  You can read about itHERE to see how you can get involved or donate.

The World Cup started last Thursday.  If I’m being honest, I’ve never been very into it, but our oldest daughter is very into soccer now and we have been watching.  I have to say- I love soccer.  To be clear- it has nothing to do with the fact that some of these teams are solely made of men that are so good looking they look like Anthony Hopkins created them in Westworld (I’m talking to you Iceland).  Ok it has mostly everything to do with that- but in all seriousness it’s on every day and I’ve been loving it. For the sport! Geez- get your minds out of the gutter.

However for those who can’t keep their minds out of the gutter and day dreaming about these guys being shirtless- HERE is a link where they are ranked in order of hotness and most of them are shirtless.  Just in case you are into that sort of thing.

For those soccer parents out there, especially the soccer DADS– here’s one of my favorite writers, Dave Barry, in the Miami Herald paying a tribute to all the good work you do.  Mainly putting up the tents.  I am partially joking- but all parents can relate.  Click Here.

Jay-Z and Beyonce surprised everyone over the weekend when they released a brand new album called Everything is Love streaming exclusively on Tidal (for now).

What is Tidal? It’s Jay-Z’s answer to Spotify and Apple Music and “it’s for the artists”.   I wouldn’t run to download it, because most of the music does eventually end up on Apple of Spotify.  Also you can sign up for the 30 day free trial and catch The Carters new album now.

The 13 Best Videos of Basketball fans who “try to do it at home” CLICK HERE

For all The Office fans out there: there is an Illustrated Essay coming out by a New York Times Best Selling Author and you may want to order your copy ASAP as supplies are limited.  You can order your copy at the scrantonproject.com and you can check out the full Buzzfeed article by clicking here.

Zack Galifianakas is back with “Between two Ferns” on Funny or Die and he has Jerry Seinfeld in what has to be the most uncomfortably awkward yet hilarious interview with a surprise guest that will have you saying Okkkkkkkurrrrt
Click the image to watch the full video.

Netflix & More TV 
As we have established, time and time again, I watch too much TV.  And who better to enjoy the fruit of my labor, but you. 

Last week I mentioned The Kissing Booth (Netflix).  If you haven’t done it, please do yourself a favor and move this to the top of your list.  Well only if you love romantic comedies that are really terrible in all the best ways.  For those who did watch The Kissing Booth (some of us more than once) here’s what I have:

Set It Up: (Netflix) Lucy Lui Taye Diggs are horrible bosses and and their assistants play match maker.  It has that same terrible quality that we discussed above, but again in the best ways.  A great mindless hour and a half- LOVED It. Click HERE for trailer.

Queer Eye: (Netflix) it’s back and I’ve gotten a few messages insisting I watch the new season- and I’m so glad I did.  I haven’t seen them all, but what I have seen has made me so happy while I sit on the couch and ugly cry.  Somehow they made it better than the original.  ClickHERE for the trailer.

Is there anything I need to see? Let me know! Reply back to this email and give me the details!

Bachelor Nation- Assemble!First- Breaking news!! Ashli and Jared are engaged! I shit you not! Check it out HERE.

I’m convinced now more than ever that this is the worst season in a long time.  This is saying a lot.  Considering there was a girl that made taxidermy last season.  However we will soldier on because no one here is a quitter.  Just get on my back and I will carry us to the finish line.  From what I’ve heard Becca is happily engaged AND we must know how this plays out because right now I just don’t see it.

Read the whole recap here.

Pansexual:
of, relating to, or characterized by sexual desire or attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation.
In the underwater world of the seahorse, it’s the male that gets to carry the eggs and birth the babies.
“Who or what is Kanye West with no eg? Just Ye”
Let’s see what late night had for our dads!
Jimmy Kimmel tell your dad the worst thing you’ve done
Jimmy Fallon features kids describing their dad- and it’s hilarious

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Newsletter XIII: Loose Lips Sink Ships
Monday, June 11, 2018

I Was Not My Best Self This Weekend

I broke one of my most sacred rules this weekend and I may never be the same.  Let me set the scene for you.  My husband and I left the kids with my parents for a sleepover Saturday night so that we could attend an event.  Freedom! Right?  Some parents get sad when they leave their kids for a night, but I am not that parent.  A night off is heaven.  So we get to the event and it’s open bar, and let me just admit out right that I may have taken advantage of it.

As the night continues, I see a girl I hadn’t seen in years.  This girl has always been very thin, and I know she had a baby boy a couple years back and now has a belly.  We greet each other very excited, and I put my hand on her belly and say “Oh my God congratulations. How far along are you?”  Her smile is gone now.  You see because she looks right at me and says “I had the baby a few weeks back.”  I’m dead.  Done. There is no recovery here.  Any acquaintance this girl and I once shared is now gone- as it should be.

Don’t say it.  I already know.  What kind of an asshole am I? Truly the worst kind.  She gave me dirty looks the rest of the night, and you know what? Get it girl! I deserve every single one of them.  I hope she told all of her friends about what a terrible human I am because that’s what I get for breaking the MOST sacred rule of being a woman.

So don’t be like Cristina- unless a woman has unequivocally told you that she is pregnant do NOT comment on her belly and most definitely do not rub it.  It’s offensiveAF.  To this woman if you ever read this- I am eternally sorry.

Since we are being honest this is also following me going out the night before and accidentally mom shaming a fellow mom.  Don’t crucify me yet! She mentioned her teenage daughter was watching  13 Reasons Why and since I haven’t stopped having nightmares since I saw the finale I really wanted her to understand how intense it is.  I wasn’t trying to shame her- it was supposed to be a warning.  But the bottle of wine my husband and I had just had at dinner probably impeded my ability to skillfully communicate that.   She definitely did not see that I was coming from a place of concern, and I clearly should not be allowed to leave my house again ever.   Probably should stop drinking too.  To this mom if you happen to read this- I am so sorry.  I was traumatized and you know what’s best for your daughter.

These two incidences do not even combine to equal out to the actual worst thing I did this weekend.  Perhaps I will share that with you another time, when I have learned to live with the shame, or you run into me when I’m out.  Since clearly I cannot shut up once I’ve had a drink or two.

xx
Cristina

Grab the Tissues

The drama department from Marjory Stoneman Douglas made a surprise appearance on the Tony’s last night singing Seasons of Love from Rent.  To say it was moving does not even begin to cover it, let’s put it this way Amy Schummer in tears at the end.  Click the image to watch.

For full coverage of what happened on the Tony’s last night click here.

Bachelor Nation- Assemble!
Oh wow! My IG story was extra long last week and it wasn’t pretty.  If we are being honest, we all have to admit out loud that the producers of The Bachelorette have gone too far this season.With the exception of a few, they stacked Becca’s deck with some of the most egregious personalities in this show’s history [and that is saying something].  They brought some of these men just for the sake of the TV GOLD they would make.  I KNOW they always do this in some way, but this is a little much.   Here are my takeaways from last week:Read the whole recap here.

Remember in College When Kids Donated Plasma…

Well good news for frat guys everywhere.  The new money is in the poop. I know what you’re thinking it sounds gross, but hear me out- because this is on the rise.

Why do I know this? Glad you asked.  I was having a less than normal conversation with my husband and his family about ways to treat a persistent [not mine] rash, when it was suggested that perhaps the person with the rash should consider a fecal transplant.  You know in case the rash is a product of the gut.  I digress.

Naturally we were all grossed out, but so intrigued.  One google search later and BOOM CHECK THIS OUT .

It’s a thing.  Science!

Things From Around the Internet
Do you remember Rebecca Black? No probably not but she is the girl from that song Friday.  Right! I also thought we would never hear from her again, but she is back! The Four is Diddy’s attempt to do a singing competition and Ms. Black came on and did a cover of N*SYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye” and it’s pretty incredible.  Check it out HERE.

The International House of Pancakes, the breakfast chain that symbolizes Americana, is changing its name to “IHob.” A series of mysterious tweets by IHOP/IHOb have dropped clues about what the new name means, but expect a fuller explanation later Monday.

So there I am randomly scrolling on Instagram (no surprise there) when BOOM! Reese Witherspoon hit me with the big news.  Legally Blond 3 is coming!

                                     

For all my Felicity fans, there was a cast reunion yesterday.  That’s right Keri Russel, Scott Foley and Scott Speedman {sigh} were all together discussing how Felicity ended.  No surprise they couldn’t really remember.  Probably because it was one of the worst endings of all time (in my humble opinion), which they also agreed to.  Read the full article here– because any reason to see Ben again, right?

Kanye West dropped released a new album with Kid Cudi called Kids See Ghosts which you can catch on Spotify or Apple Music. Reviews are pretty stellar. Freeeeeeeeee.

I don’t care which side of the political spectrum you fall on, watching Donald Trump sing “God Bless America” during his “celebration of America” is highly entertaining.  Don’t believe me clickHERE.

We all know that Game of Thrones is gearing up for it’s last season.  Well don’t let that get you too sad, HBO has just ordered a pilot for a prequel series that will bring us back 1000 years before the events in Game of Thrones.  Created by Jane Goldman and George R.R. Martin whose books served as the basis for GOT.  Sounds pretty pretty amazing to me.  Here’s a picture of Jon Snow and Daenerys just because.

What to Watch
As we have established, time and time again, I watch too much TV.

The Kissing Booth: God dammit! No one in the world knows me or cares more about me watching amazingly bad TV more than the people who wrote the algorithm at Netflix.  Netflix has basically been insisting that I watch this movie.  It began to feel like Netflix would not let me watch anything else on Netflix until I watched this movie.  It’s one of those it’s really bad but somehow it’s good movies.  You wouldn’t make this recommendation at a fancy dinner party filled with fancy guests, but it’s one of those you whisper to your best friend on the down low that she has to watch stat. Here’s a glimpse of what you can expect. CLICK HERE

The Affair: Season 4 is premiering this Sunday, June 17.  Season 3 took a little turn for the weird, but I’m hoping that this season brings us back.  For those who aren’t caught up the first 2 seasons of this show are INCREDIBLE!

World Cup starts this Thursday, June 14! which I am very aware of because my daughter has been filling her sticker book for the last few weeks.

Also premiering this week: 
The Bold Type– Tuesday June 12 @ 8 PM (est) on Freeform- Look I have no defense for why I watch it but if you want to catch up it’s on Hulu
The Profit– Tuesday June 12 @ 10 PM (est) on CNBC
Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce– Final Season Thursday June 14 10 PM (est) Bravo – catch up on Netflix

Have a suggestion of something I should watch? Let me know

Roseate:1 : resembling a rose especially in color

2 : overly optimistic : viewed favorably

In the 1962 World Cup, the Chilean team ate Swiss Cheese before beating Switzerland, spaghetti before beating Italy, and drank vodka before beating the USSR.  Then they drank coffee before their match against Brazil- but lost.
This week was a little slow so here is one #throwback and a Cover Battle for anyone who needs a solid laugh.
Jimmy and Justin do their cover of Toto’s Affrica as kids at summer camp.  Yes- I Love Toto
James Corden + Shawn Mendes do an epic cover battle in the subway.

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Newsletter XII: Summer is Here… Again
Monday, June 4, 2018

Summer is Here… Again

This is the last week of school in our house, and I do not feel I am mentally prepared for what comes next.  We say this all the time, but how is time moving so fast.

When I was a kid, I vividly remember it never being summer.  I am pretty sure that the school year was 340 days and we got about 20 days to have fun on spring and summer break.  Now as an adult I feel like these kids are just always off.  It was just last summer, how is it summer again?!

Between Netflix and perpetual summer these kids have it made. In our day we had to flick through the channels and pray to find something we wanted to watch, and then gasp sit through the commercials EVERY SINGLE ONE.  Now my kids have 3 days left of school and don’t you dare let a commercial come on or shit will go down.

I’m praying for you all as school finishes and we then have all their little eyes staring at us demanding to be entertained.
xx
Cristina

Bachelor Nation- Assemble! Last week Becca K met her band of merry men that will take her on her journey to find love and her “happily ever after.”  For those who didn’t catch the season premier or my IG story, it was extra.
If I’m being brutally honest: there’s 1-3 viable candidates.  The other 12 men are definitely just for the producers to toy with.

  • Becca is not off to the best start, being that Garrett, the lucky man who got the first impression rose is being called out by the entire internet [literally the entire internet] for liking some pretty hateful stuff on Instagram.

Read the whole recap here.

Random Stuff That Happened Last Week

Anyone Want to Hear a Scary Story 

My husband and I went to dinner with some of our best friends recently when one of them casually mentioned Roanoke.  That’s right, you read that correctly.  She casually metioned Roanoke.

Have you ever heard of the Lost Colony of Roanoke? Good because I hadn’t either.  To be clear neither had anyone in the restaurant because we asked.  So she proceeds to explain how they were the first settlers from England, and that one day they just disappeared.  No one knows what happened to them.  There was not a trace of the 90 men, 17 women, and 11 children, nor was there any sign of a struggle or battle. The only evidence they found was the word “Croatoan” carved on a board and the letters C-R-O carved on a tree.

Naturally I left this night not believing this story about some lost colony.  Surely had there been a lost colony I would have known.  Then yesterday while I was reading some news, THIS article came up in my feed.

I jumped into a serious rabbit hole on this one and Here is a short video explaining what went down “allegedly” at Roanoke.

An amazing thing happened this week proving once again that anything we want is really just one good twitter trend away.  A beautiful soul named Mary (only 14 years old), very politely asked Weezer  to do a cover of Toto’s “Africa”.  And Weezer did the only thing a band can do when given such an OUT OF THIS WORLD request- they did it.  Check it out here.

Kanye West dropped his latest album, ye- and it’s genius.  Obviously.  It’s available to stream on Spotify and Apple Music.  The 7 songs on the album also happen to be the 7 most streamed songs on Spotify and Apple- imagine a world where you can have an epic Twitter meltdown and then a week later drop one of the most listened to albums ever.  America!

Carlos Santana and his wife rocked the National anthem last night for Game 2 of the NBA finals.

A 4th grader covers John Lennon’s Imagine and it has gone viral.  Catch it here.

Did you read that article I wrote about all the Teen Beat Heartthrobs and where they are now? Well you can do that right now.

Also Jennifer Lopez, Cardi B, and DJ Khlaed made a song and it’s called “Dinero”.  And I realize I will always and forever crush hard on JLo because she’s one of the only people that can grill wearing lingerie and covered in diamonds and not get burned. Click the video or right HERE to watch the full video.

Netflix & More TV 

As we have established, time and time again, I watch too much TV.
It’s why I tend to look for what has been cancelled so I don’t get too emotionally involved [I am aware what I sound like].  It’s been released here is every show on TV right now and whether it’s coming back. What’s on my list to watch next? Killing Eve (BBC America), The 100 (CW- shhh stop judging), and Barry (HB0).  
Have a suggestion? Let me know13 Reasons Why: I just wanted to quickly retract my recommendation of Season 2 of this show.  I had not finished the entire season and upon further review- I cannot in good conscience suggest this show to anyone.  The last episode was very heavy and disturbing- and quite honestly gave me nightmares for a few days.  So if you do decide to watch this, please take it easy. Younger: Season 5 of Younger is back tomorrowJune 5 on TV Land!!! Riverdale: Season 2 is now on Netflix 
Mellifluous:
1: having a smooth rich flow
2filled with something (such as honey) that sweetens
Benjamin Franklin wrote an essay about farting called “A Letter to a Royal Academy About Farting.”  It dives into why different foods cause different odors and everything.
“There was a time when we completely operated without phones.  We’re addicted to our phones”
This week was a little slow so here are two #throwbacks for anyone who needs a solid laugh.
Jimmy and Justin #bff #hilarious #theycantstop
James Corden + Elton John
#thebitchisback

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Newsletter XI: Happy Memorial Day
Monday, May 28, 2018

Anyone Want to Invite 5 People Over for a BBQ? 

If not I can maybe sneak away solo?

Happy Memorial Day!

It’s hard not to get caught up with a day off and hanging out with our friends and families.  We are blessed to live in a country where we can enjoy our days with burgers and beers, and we owe that to all the men and women and their families who have sacrificed so much.

“Those who have long enjoyed such privileges as we enjoy forget in time that men have died to win them.”- FDR

On a way less serious note, I’ve learned that cabin fever is a real thing. Thanks, Tropical Depression Alberto.
xx
Cristina

Can You Floss? 

If you’re first thought went to dental floss, then you are in more trouble than I originally thought.  Meet “The Backpack Kid”  this is flossing, and this is him making fun of Katy Perry for not being able to do it {insert embarrassed emoji here}. All the children in my life have been flossing for a while and like Katy Perry I didn’t think it would be hard at all.  I was wrong, very wrong.  Here’s a “simple” how-to, hope you have better luck!

Long Live the Big Mac 

This one goes out to all my parents out there who are not “the fun one”.
Also it’s National Burger Day! So it’s your obligation to make sure you have one today and if you want to tag me so I can judge who had the best burger I won’t be mad, not at all.

Netflix  

13 Reasons Why

Season 2 came back last week.  This show had an extremely controversial first season.  For those who haven’t seen it, it tackles difficult issues like bullying, rape and teenage suicide.  The second season is not too different, as it deals with the fall out of suicide and continues to get into bullying and how it affects different kids. It’s not something I suggest binging, because it gets heavy. But I would watch it if you get a chance.

             

And My Next Guest Needs No Introduction: Howard Stern 

David Letterman premiered his new Netflix series a few months back.  The premise is he spends an hour interviewing some of the most interesting people in our modern time partly in front of a live audience and partly in the guest’s comfort zone. The interviews start with Barack Obama and extend to George Clooney, Jay-Z, Malala Yousafzai, Tina Fey and now Howard Stern, whose interview will be released this Thursday, May 31.

Arrested Development:

The Bluths are back! The whole family is back together for the season 5 premier tomorrow, May 29. Check out this article in Variety for the full details on this season.

Attention Bachelor Nation: 

Let’s recap, shall we? The new bachelorette is Becca Kufrin and she comes straight off what is easily the most brutal break up of all time.

Click here for the full story, but basically Becca was proposed to by bachelor, Arie {and his creepy hands}, she said yes, and a couple weeks later he dumped her in the hopes that girl # 2, Lauren may take him back.  Lauren very surprisingly/not surprising at all accepted, and they just announced their wedding date. 

It is not going to air on ABC making it the first wedding to not get air time, and even Evan and Carly the cruise singer got their wedding aired.  Maybe because fans really really love Arie, NOT.

Anyway, allegedly Becca is already happily engaged, and ABC and Chris Harrison have guaranteed that they did not force her to pick a guy at the end.  She found a guy who was there for the right reasons and they fell in love.  Take a peek at some of the guys HERE and I hope you join me on my Instagram Story as I live story the whole thing! (I have a life I swear).

In other more (exciting?) Bachelor news, Jared and Ashli I have finally gotten together.  For those who do not follow but maybe are bored enough to wonder who these people are: Ashli is a 30 year old virgin who has been on most of the Bachelor in Paradise seasons since she lost on the Bachelor in Chris Soule’s season.  Anyway she fell madly in love with Jared on day 1 and now 3 years later… here we are!

BTS: Behind the Scenes. Right? WRONG! 

Just when I thought I was hip and cool because I had figured out that #bts meant Behind the Scenes on Instagram- I find out that once again, I’m behind.

BTS (click for their full wikipedia page) is a 7 member Korean boy band – and apparently they hang with Taylor Swift which I guess means something?

Click here for a link to a song that maybe you
But also they are making serious money.  BTS was the No. 1 most tweeted about musical group in the U.S. in 2017, according to data from Twitter, topping Justin Bieber, Rihanna and Nicki Minaj. When the group arrived in the U.S. to perform at the 2017 American Music Awards, Ellen Degeneres described the scene in Los Angeles “like the Beatles were here.”

Still not believing that these kids are crushing it?  Ellen pranked them.  Click the image below to catch that…

PS: Here is another link to Ellen’s best scares.  Why? Because it’s hilarious. CLICK HERE

A Kanye Place 

In fairness, I have not made fun of Kanye West in a really long time.  Also technically I am not the one making fun of Kanye West.  More importantly, this is hilarious. Also when you’re done and just feel like watching Childish Gambino: This is America.
A Place For Random Headlines & Thoughts
  • Jason Seaman is the name of the 7th grade science teacher, who tackled a shooter who opened fire on his classroom last week in Indiana.  Thanks to his heroic actions only two people were injured and thousands of kids remained safe. Full story here.
  • Abby Wambach, US soccer icon gave the commencement speech at Barnard College on May 16.  She gave a pretty inspiring speech and it is catching attention for it’s powerful message towards women.  You can watch the entire speech HERE, and if you’re short on time I would just fast forward to the 6 minute mark to hear her new take on Little Red Riding Hood.
  • A Handmaid’s Tale this week was absolutely insane.  I’ve been out of my mind waiting for this Wednesday.  I have said this time and time again, if you are not watching this- GO! Do not return until you have started.
“Goggle dopamine.”
Carpool Karaoke: Adam Levine and James Corden make beautiful music together and may or may not have gotten in trouble with the law.  Click image to watch.
American Idol crowned their new winner this week, I have no idea who that is but Jimmy brought us some of our favorite “rejects” in a kind of sad kind of hilarious “Where are they now” song.
Miley Cyrus plays a prank the size of a giant wrecking ball on Jimmy Kimmel and maybe gives an accidental junk punch.  Click the image to watch.
Friendos-
For those of us who wonder who Migos is, Donald Glover and company give us a little peak and even better show us what it would be like if they went to therapy to work out their shit.

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Newsletter X: American Girl in London
Monday, May 21, 2018

The Monday After the Royal Wedding Should be an International Holiday
Because this weekend I basically lived on London time and feel totally jet lagged.

I didn’t even watch the Royal Wedding live, I just went out on Friday night had one too many drinks and have not recovered.  Apparently once you leave your 20’s your body physically rejects fun.

I have never been one to do the whole Royal Wedding watch party thing.  But Prince Harry is my favorite, and watching him marry Rachel from Suits was just too much to resist.  I recorded it and watched pieces of it and honestly – FAIRY TALE.  Are they always this beautiful?

Also was anyone else irrationally mad at their husband?  The way Prince Harry looked at her and then said “I’m so lucky”- I was so jealous.  My husband only looks at food that way.

Anyway, I was so taken by this wedding that I decided this entire newsletter had to be dedicated to British people or princesses. God Save the Queen!

xx
Cristina

The Royal Wedding

The Basics:

The Dress: And the bride wore Givenchy.  Creative director Claire Waight Keller made sure that Meghan looked timeless and so chic in a dress that looked like it definitely should have wrinkled, but never actually did.  Fairy Tales Exist!
The Other Dress: After the ceremony Meghan and Harry rode around in a carriage for what seemed like an inordinate amount of time.  Then they went to the reception. I will argue that this Stella McCartney dress she wore is one of the most beautiful dresses I have seen this year.
The Tiara: I honestly could not stop looking at it.  The diamond-encrusted tiara was first worn by Queen Mary. According to the palace, “The diamond bandeau is English and was made in 1932, with the entre brooch dating from 1893.”

The Title: From now on you can refer to them as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex

Why was this a big deal?
This marriage doesn’t really affect who will sit on the British throne considering Harry is sixth in line.  But as a divorced, biracial American actress, Meghan represents progression and diversity to a centuries-old institution not exactly known for its ability to adapt to modern times.

Who Was There? Obviously we had Queen Elizabeth, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and more of the Royal Family but here were my favorite guests:

Oprah: because well Oprah (wearing Stella McCartney)

Amal Clooney– and guest (some American actor)- she looked absolutely stunning.  Am I the only one completely obsessed with her? (wearing Stella McCartney)

Kitty Spencer-Upon falling into the royal wedding internet rabbit hole, I discovered her. I had no idea who she was, but I’ve never wanted to wear a green garden dress with coordinating hat more in my life.  She is the niece of the late Princess Diana, and you an see the resemblance.  Absolutely stunning.

The Beckhams: #goals (is that how the kids say it)

Princess Charlotte: I can tell by looking at this picture that she will be the Princess we have always wanted.  She is my spirit animal.

Stand By Me

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle chose Karen Gibson and the The Kingdom Choir to cover “Stand by Me” as their song and it was performed in the middle of the wedding ceremony.  The gospel choir covered the 1961 classic by Ben E. King and it was just beautiful.  Click the image below if you missed it, or to watch it again and again and again.

Speaking of British Gingers We Love
Have you heard that Ed Sheeran song, Shape of You? I’m joking! Obviously you have heard this song before, more times than you wish you had I’m sure.
Well it’s been a while since the song was popular, and I stumbled upon the making of the song.  Honestly this was so cool… click the image to check it out.

 

Royal After Party: SNL Style

SNL had their season finale this past Saturday with host, Tina Fey.  Obviously they couldn’t let the Royal Wedding slip by without more than one skit.  Here is what they imagine the after party was like…

Princess Videos

I always wanted to believe that all the Disney princesses lived in an alternate reality where they were all best friends and got really drunk on peach schnapps together while they gossiped and did other fancy
But what if they actually hate each other? It’s kind of amazing.  Check out this video

James Corden Lets the Genie Out of the Bottle

How can you go wrong with Christina Aguilera, James Corden and Melissa McCarthy.  You can’t.  It’s everything you want it to be and more. Click the image and let me know what you think…

 

 Netflix

 

The Crown

It took me an episode or two to really get sucked in, but once I was in- it happened fast.  I watched the first two seasons recently and loved it.  I’m a huge fan of shows that bring history into the mix because than I can justify it to my husband and myself as “learning”.  It did however allow me to really appreciate how important and progressive Prince Harry and Meghan Markle actually are in light of what has happened in the past.  Season 3 starts filming in July- hop to it.

“we’re in this so-called information age but we’re starving for wisdom.”
Tina Fey reprises her role as Sarah Palin to dish out some advice to the Trump White House. Click image for the clip and check out this link for a recap of the entire episode 
Deadpool crashes Stephen Colbert’s opening monologue and tears into Ryan Reynolds 
Jimmy Fallon + The Roots + Ariana Grande playing Nintendo instruments singing No More Tears to Cry is everything you ever needed but didn’t know you wanted

Newsletter IX:
Monday, May 14, 2018

Happy Day After Mother’s Day
I’m sure all you mothers are feeling pampered and rested and so relaxed after yesterday.  Hahahaha let’s be real, you’re moms.  What do you think this is? Who will do the stuff? But you were appreciated yesterday, right? For those 5 minutes in the morning.  Well we don’t do this for the credit, right? We do it because of love, right? Yeah.  I’m not sure either.

Am I the only one who has a secret fantasy?  You know the one where you’re there in a super fancy hotel, walking out of a steamy bathroom,  you just took a hot shower, you walk out put on that delicious robe and look over at the bed, look around the room and you are absolutely positively ALONE! You jump onto the bed order room service and watch anything you want! Ah, a girl can dream.

Well either way here is some mom-themed/not mom-themed stuff to help you survive the week.

xx
Cristina

Jared, and Joey and JTT Oh My!

Back in the day, one might say, I was boy crazy.  I would go to the grocery store with my mom on the bribe that she would buy me the latest issue of Teen Beat or Bop.  I had bulletin boards filled with inspiring quotes and pulled out pages of Jordan Castelano, Leo, and a more embarrassing JTT.  Call it nostalgia or flat out curiosity but I wondered where some of these “stud muffins” were today, so I bring you Teen Beat Heartthrobs:  Where are They Now.

teen beat heartthrobs where are they now?

What I’ve Learned About Being A Mom

I’ve only been a mom for 7 years.  It goes without saying, I have no idea what I’m doing yet.  However I am starting to suspect that none of us do.  However in honor of Mother’s Day, I wrote down some things that I have learned up to this point.  If you don’t have time to read the article, I want you to know the basic message: You are doing a great job and your kids are lucky to have you.
To the moms- soon to be moms- ladies- men reading this, I hope you all had a beautiful day with your families yesterday.  Lessons I’ve Learned As Mom- So Far.

happy mother's day

What We Tell Our Kids vs What Actually Happens

Amy Schumer was on SNL this weekend and as her gift to moms everywhere she gave us the perfect clip to describe the day those beautiful little miracles were born.  If you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant please note the video is 100% accurate and may scare the hell out of your vagina.  Click the image below.

Netflix: Meet Ali Wong
A friend of mine, who happens to read this amazing newsletter, emailed me and told me I absolutely had to check out Ali Wong’s stand up on Netflix, Baby Cobra.  Ali dives into hoarding, dating and feminism.  She kills this hour long special at 7 months pregnant.  The only thing I was doing at 7 months pregnant was eating Oreo McFlurry’s and reading 50 Shades of Grey {it was a low point}.

In even better news, her new special, Hard Knock Wife, premiered on Netflix last night- on Mother’s Day! I haven’t watched it yet, but you can pretty much guess what is going down this week.  Yeah that’s right, my life is excitingAF.

What Everyone is Talking About

Actor/Writer/Musician Donald Glover, also known as Childish Gambino released a video last week that has caused a huge controversy.  As of last night it’s had over 100 million views.

I won’t go into politics here or give you my [political] opinion, but I bring you the video so you can make your own opinion.  Check it out below.

“naps are awesome”
Because Amy Schummer killed it on Saturday here’s another clip Handmaids in the City
Since it was Mother’s Day yesterday and it made me miss my Yaya, here’s her Arroz Con Pollo with my minor tweaks.
Jimmy Fallon reads his favorite #momquotes and as usual, twitter does not disappoint.
Countdown is on: 2 more weeks! Will Bekka find love? Probably not but I am going to live story the hell out of it! Follow me @survivingcristina

Newsletter VIII:

Monday, May 7, 2018

So Tell Me What To Do Now

When I want… you… back!

A guilty pleasure is something that you shouldn’t like, but you like anyway.  You shouldn’t like it because it isn’t held in high regard by society or your friends, but when you’re alone you just can’t seem to help yourself.  You watch that show or blast that music and dance like no one’s watching.

Well last week I hit you with the It’s Gonna Be May meme, and I am afraid I opened the box to my deepest darkest guilty pleasure, *NSYNC.  It sent me down a rabbit hole of an *NSYNC Spotify playlist, which then led to *NSYNC You Tube videos, and well let’s just say it was a less than productive day.

But it was fate I tell you! Last Monday *NSYNC got it’s own star on the Hollywood walk of fame. Here is where I want to tell you that I didn’t watch parts [all] of the ceremony, or that I didn’t stalk Instagram looking at the posts and stories from anyone I could find that was there.  Sigh.  I have already admitted, it was not a productive day.

Then as I had put the 15 year old girl back in the box I found them on Ellen.  Now my kids were down this rabbit hole with me.  One cannot cannot fight fate.  Since I have this feeling that I am not the only one here who may love *NSYNC a little too much… click the image below to catch the clip of them playing Never Have I Ever.  You’re Welcome.

Now here is where you probably want to read that I did eventually stop looking through the internet for *NSYNC interviews, etc.  You will be proud to know – I did.  Eventually.  I had to.  I have too many other current guilty pleasures to focus on.

I have officially themed this week as Guilty Pleasure Week, and have brought you a few different categories below to get you started.  I have to be honest, feeling a little exposed right about now, but man it’s nice to step out into the light.  Have a great week!

xx
Cristina

Television

Ah, TV the place where I find I lose the most time.  I have already revealed my TV Addiction to you all (find my full confession HERE).  However in that article I tried to impress you with my TV snobbery, “Look how fancy I am, I watch, and understand Westworld”.

Well it should come as no surprise that I also watch some pretty low brow shit.  I bring you, my favorite TV Guilty Pleasures, in my newest article “You Can’t Handle the Truth: My Top 11 Guiltiest TV Shows

Online Shopping

I heart online shopping.  I am the constant target of “Shop Now” ads and other target marketing tactics, because well it works on me.  But you know what comes from owning an online store for almost 4 years, insight.  So I’m here to offer a tip, some of you may already know this, but for those that don’t NEVER check out the first time you load the cart.
Why? Because most stores have it set up to automatically email you if you abandon your cart prior to checking out.  What comes in that email? A discount code! So load up the cart, enter your email and sit back and wait for the % off.
To quote one of my most current favorite humans, Cardi B “Okuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrr”

Tickled

To be clear, I do not like being tickled at all.  This is absolutely not my guilty pleasure, but apparently it is a thing.  My friend sent me a trailer for the documentary, Tickled, and I can’t un-see it.  It is about the dark underbelly of the world of competitve tickling.  When I say dark, I do not mean like my *NSYNC hole of shame, I mean dark and twisted.   I still haven’t been able to watch the documentary, but it is available on HBO.  Click the image to watch the trailer.

Karaoke

Publicly, I hate karaoke.  Or is it soberly? Well either way, in a private karaoke room, with a couple of sake bombs I will sing the hell out of Lisa Loeb’s “Stay”.  I don’t sing in public because honestly, I’m terrible.  Ariana Grande was on Jimmy Fallon last week and something tells me she likes Karaoke.  Check her out HERE or click the image to see them play Musical Genre.

Jimmy Kimmel’s Mean Tweets are another guilty pleasure of mine and it’s back this time with the Avengers Cast- still haven’t seen the movie but their press tour is everything
Bringing back Lil’Dicky and Chris Brown “Freaky Friday” for guilty pleasure week because I love it, even though I really don’t want to
Are you a Hamilton fan? Well Lin gathered every single Eliza and they sang the original cut of “Burn” and it is on fire (puns- another guilty pleasure)
Guiltiest of all Guilty Pleasures
Bachelorette is back May 28!
Countdown Begins 21 Days!
“We’re in this so-called information age but we’re staring for wisdom.”

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Newsletter VII:

Monday, April 30, 2018
We All Know What This Means

 

Now that we have gotten the obligatory Justin meme out of the way, how are you doing today?
I feel like this last week so much happened.  Is it me or did the world has become a far stranger place.  Maybe I just spent too much time on Twitter.  Kanye West is still tweeting absolute madness every hour of the day, and now President Trump is retweeting him.   I am just left wondering how we can get the good people at Twitter to suspend accounts.

To completely change the subject (you’re welcome) Time released it’s list of it’s 100 Most Influential People of 2018, and each person had an introduction written by someone who knows them or has had an encounter with them.  For example Jennifer Lopez’s was written by Kerry Washington, Prince Harry by Elton John, and Roger Federer by Bill Gates. Each story that I have ready so far has been personal and moving.  Click the image to go the beautifully done site and check out the list for yourself.

It will easily kill an hour of this Monday for you.  But go after you finish the rest of the newsletter OBVIOUSLY!

xx
Cristina

1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right and…

As Justin just told us, it’s going to be May.  Which means summer is on the horizon.  Time to get back to those work out plans to try and pretend we didn’t just eat ourselves into oblivion over the cold winter months (especially those living up north where Spring just never sprung).  I’m happy to announce a new section to the blog to cover Health &  Fitness, where I am bringing you some experts to help motivate us to work out, cook healthier, and be more mindful, Namaste! Check out the first article here where I tell you how Kanye West and Tich Nath Hahn Collided to Change My Life.

Thinking about using Ancestry or 23 & Me

Well be prepared to find out something much crazier than being 1/5 Native American.  Thanks to Ancestry, police in California were able to finally close a 40 year old cold case involving a serial killer. Read more about what happened HERE. This man was responsible for 12 deaths ,over 40 rapes, and countless burglaries.  He is the actual reason America started locking their doors. You can read even more about him HERE.

A true crime blogger, Michelle McNamara, inspired officers to re-open the case in 2013 when she wrote an article in Los Angeles Magazine.  She began writing a book about the Golden State Killer (a name she coined), but unfortunately died in her sleep before she was able to finish.

The book was posthumously updated and finalized by true crime writer Paul Haynes and her widower Patton Oswalt.  The book, released this past February (almost two years after her death), reached number 2 on The New York Times Best Seller List. Here is her widower, Patton discussing his wife, the capture of the Golden State Killer and her book last week on Late Night with Seth Meyers.

Bill Cosby

I could not go this entire newsletter and pretend this man wasn’t found guilty this week.  He was.  Praise be.  This is about all the time he deserves.

Double Dare

Off the heels of my 90’s article, which if you didn’t read you can catch that HERE, we have some thing pretty exciting things happening. Double Dare is getting a reboot and coming back to Nickelodeon.  While there hasn’t been confirmation that Marc Summers will be the host, they have alluded to him making some sort of appearance.  Read the article here.

“you can say anything as long as you put the right emoji next to it.”
Currently obsessing over this new Calvin Harris feat Dua Lipa song “One Kiss”
I haven’t seen the new Avengers movie, but I’m a sucker for a remake
Fried Cauliflower Rice
Courtesy of @mysexyveggies
Hopefully this gives us abs
I thought for a second I was over how terrible this guy is, but nope.

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Newsletter VI: 4.23.18

Your Favorite Monday Morning Quarterback is Here

I’m trying a theme out this week, hindsight.  Hindsight being 20-20 there are definitely some things that I probably shouldn’t have done in my life.  For example, order my steak medium rare at Outback Steakhouse or drank 5 whiskeys one of the first times I was having dinner with my husband’s family.  Both of these things ended the same way and it wasn’t pretty.  However at the time it seemed right.

I do often wonder had I not thrown up all over my then boyfriend’s [now husband] brand new BMW that night would we even be married today? It’s hard to say.  But that’s what hindsight is for I guess, that what if? The hope to do it right the next time the opportunity presents itself.  Thanks to hindsight, I only drink vodka now.

So today, Monday, we are going to look back at the last week and think what we could have done differently, and then probably do everything just the same.  But at least we did the thought exercise.

xx
Cristina

How Did We Survive the 90’s?!

Timeout.  Ever stop and think about all the things you used to do as a child that you would never in your life allow as a parent.  Hindsight being our theme, I took a look back at some of my mom’s mistakes for her and wrote them down.  You’re welcome, Mommy! Read my what will likely be the first of many 90’s articles now! Click HERE

I Didn’t Twerk Enough When I Was Pregnant

As we have discussed, Cardi B is everywhere. This week she was on Ellen, and they discussed everything from her real name to how she got pregnant, twerking.  Then they showed the clip of her twerking at Coachella, and it made me feel like maybe I should have done more of that when I was pregnant.  It looks like so much fun.  Who am I even kidding, I still don’t even understand what twerking is.  But catch her segment with Ellen here.

Netflix: Cuba and the Cameraman

Follow Emmy award winner Jon Alpert, who started documenting Cuba over fifty years ago at the start of the revolution in the 70’s and returned over the course of almost five decades. He follows the lives of three families, and begins a controversial friendship with Fidel Castro. As a Cuban American, this is difficult to watch.  The humanizing of Fidel Castro is difficult to swallow.  However it cannot be denied that this documentary provokes thought and gives truth behind Cuba that is definitely worth watching.  Click the image for the official trailer.

#Beychella Part Deuce

In hindsight, I definitely should have gone to Coachella.  But since even in hindsight I know my attendance to be an impossibility- I should have at the very least recorded last week’s performance and sold it, I mean streamed it, for all of my friends.  However I had no idea they wouldn’t stream her this weekend.  I will not even begin to let you know how deep and dark my outrage goes.  Moving on here’s what I know from my obsessive Instagram stalking of those who did attend:

  • Similar set and clothing, minus some color changes
  • Destiny’s Child appeared again, different arguably cooler outfits
  • Jay-Z came and did the same song
  • J. Balvin made an appearance
  • Solange came out, they danced but Bey tried to carry Solange and they both fell over.  However they somehow pulled it off.

Check it all out HERE

The Greatest Showman

After incessant nagging [I have no idea where she gets this from], my daughter got me to sit down and watch The Greatest Showman with her.  Honestly, I should have listened to her sooner! Don’t ever tell her I said that! I’m a sucker for good music and a positive message.  I loved so much about this movie, but this song was my most favorite.  It’s a great way to start a week! Click the image!

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO KANYE, ONE PHILOSOPHICAL TWEET AT A TIME​

“truth is my goal. Controversy is my gym. I’ll do a hundred reps of controversy for a 6 pack of truth”

Drake- Nice For What
Every single lady crush you may have + Lauryn Hill sampling and you have your next lady anthem
(tip courtesy of @perfectlybaked)
Arroz Con Pollo!
One of my Abuela’s staple dishes.  I have tweaked it a bit over the years and now bring you my family’s recipe and all you need is one pot!

Be a Friend and Forward this to Your Bestie

Newsletter V: 4.16.18

So, Coachella Was Amazing!

I’m just kidding obviously, I did not go.  I can’t decide if it’s because I’m too old, boring, or lazy, but either way I didn’t make it there this year, or ever.  However Shania Twain did…

No seriously, that’s Shania Twain with Nikki Minaj, the Weekend, Quavo, French Montana, and more.  That is not photoshopped.  Shania Twain was there wearing a pink hoody and I couldn’t be more confused about this picture.  Anyway… if I am being honest it took me longer than it should have to even catch on to what Coachella even is.

I don’t like to hate on Coachella too much anymore because it is the place where Madonna kissed Drake and well…  this happened? If you forgot or need a refresh click HERE IMMEDIATELY and you can thank me later (anyone catch what I just did here).

More importantly Coachella made something happen Saturday night that I have been wishing on for years [yes I’m basicAF], a Destiny’s Child Reunion.  It was every bit as epic as you would want it to be, for all my Soldiers CLICK HERE to see just the reunion.  I’ve gone everywhere and I cannot find the entire performance anywhere.  The stream I was watching yesterday expired.  There’s a good recap of the performance here and the second I find the entire performance I will post it on my IG story! Also if anyone wants to sell me their Coachella tickets for next weekend so I can catch the encore let me know! Yes Beyonce’s performance was so good my old, boring, lazy ass would go across this country and endure all the young fun folk to catch a glimpse.

xx

Cristina

Imagine Being Sent to a Retirement Home to Explain Facebook… for 2 days

That’s basically what Mark Zuckerberg did last week and it did not disappoint.  Zuckerberg was testifying before Congress in regards to the data Facebook is collecting and how it is being stored.  It lasted 2 days totaling 10 hours and 600 questions. The only thing two things I got from all of this is first that Zuckerberg is apparently shorter than his grey t-shirts make him appear:

The other thing I learned, is that our Congress may need a Facebook 101 Lesson stat.  Senator Orin Hatch asked Zuckerberg how Facebook makes money, which is when our part human-part robot leader said this: Read a solid recap here

Douche of the Week: Tristan Thompson

Tristan learned a rather hard, what should have been, obvious lesson this week.  You don’t cheat on your 9-month pregnant girlfriend, especially in public, and particularly when you’re famous and being filmed.  You keep it in your pants even more so, when you’re just a kind of average basketball player and your baby momma is Khloe Kardashian.  Well Mr. Thompson is not only getting booed at his games (he plays for the Cleveland Cavaliers), but on his most recent Instagram post, an ad for Neiman Marcus that you just know Kris Jenner got for him, Khloe’s fans let him have it in a series of “I hope” comments.  In fact there are over 300k comments on the picture that sound a little like this and you can click the picture to go to his IG to check out the rest:

Ketchup + Mayo = Magic Sauce

Heinz is trying to make all your wildest fantasies come true by combining Ketchup and Mayo for you and packaging it one beautiful bottle.  It wouldn’t be America if there wasn’t a controversy over this.  You can catch up on all the insane backlash here and more importantly you can do your part and rock the vote by clicking the image below…

The Biggest Pickle 

It was 1993 when we were lucky enough to meet Squints Palledorous and his band of merry men.  The Today Show had a Sandlot Reunion last week to celebrate 25 years.  I was so excited, I’m a self-admitted Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez groupie, and have been since he out ran the beast with his new Converse high tops.  Which is why I was a little devastated when Benny was not present for the reunion.  How do you have a Sandlot reunion without Benny? It’s like having a Breakfast Club reunion without Molly, or a Mighty Ducks reunion without Charlie (Pacey).  So I dug in, and apparently Benny “the Jet” Rodriguez was recently arrested for assault in 2015 and it wasn’t good [find it here].  So while legends never die, maybe they grow up and are not readily available for reunions.

It Girl or Robot: We Can’t Say

Lilmiquela has gained quite the Instagram following and no one can really tell if she’s an actual girl in LA going to all the best clubs and even catching Bey’s performance last night, or if she’s just an art project.

LumberSexual

I finally have a name for Justin Timberlake’s whole new look.  As per Urban Dictionary, a Lumber Sexual is defined as a not-so-manly man dressing like a lumberjack (although a lot more refined) and sporting a beard that has the volume of a lumberjacks beard and the groom of a hipster, cashing in on the “rugged, outdoor stereotype”
Most of these guys aren’t very good with their hands and only want to seem so because God forbid you would get those soft  lotion treated hands dirty.
Lumberjacks are typically known for their strength and being able to work with their hands. Most lumbersexuals would be stumped changing a tire.

We dare you to watch Cardi B on with Jimmy Fallon and not just love her.  She co-hosted the whole episode but here’s just a clip Okuurrrrr
Check out the best of what Twtiter had to offer about the Senate hearing! Click the picture
Westworld is back this Sunday, April 22 check out this link to give you a little Season 1 refresh and catch up on the theories before the premiere.
Weekly Reminder that Ari is the worst.  It’s been a while, and I was scared that you were forgetting how much this guy truly sucks.

Surviving Weekly: Volume 4 {4.9.18}

I Didn’t Win the Powerball, So Here I Am!

If you are reading this, I’m assuming you didn’t win either.  Welcome to Newsletter numero 4! Want to thank you all for your emails, comments, and suggestions.  I love the feedback and love answering your questions.  Last week there were many many emails and questions in regards to Cardi B.  So because I am nothing if not helpful, I went through the internet to bring you a crash course in all things Cardi.  But before we jump in HERE is a news story and clip of shelter workers in Baltimore slow dancing with dogs and cats after their surgeries.  Figure we can all use a little heart warming, considering our bank accounts look exactly the same as they did last week.

xx
Cristina

I Don’t Dance Now, I Make Money Moves

Cardi B.  Who is Cardi B? The rise of Cardi B may have been easy to miss.  I only heard about her 3 months ago when I overheard two college girls making fun of another girl for wanting to look like Cardi B (as you can imagine this conversation was GOLD and is the reason I try to always eavesdrop on the youth). I turned to my friend and we were both clueless, and we immediately fell into a deep dark Instagram stalking session.

Realizing two things.  First, our time as “youth” was fleeting, but second that we do know who Cardi B is.  So do you, but her life was so interesting.  So here are the Cardi B bullet points to help you look cool to your kids or some unsuspecting adult:

  • She’s just a “regular-degular” girl from the Bronx
  • Former Stripper
  • Created a huge social media following by ranting some pretty hilarious shit about her every day life [she still does this, find one of her most recent rants below]
  • This led to a debut on  Love & Hip-Hop New York where apparently she made an “infamous” one-liner, “If a girl have beef with me, we gon’ beef forever.”
  • Her first official single was called “Bodak Yellow” – it’s why all the kids say “I make money moves” (you can watch the full video below- you’re welcome)
  • You actually know her from the Bruno Mars song that you love but don’t know the words to.  You know, the 90’s inspired song Finesse, she’s on there with him.  Aha… you see.  You know Cardi B.
  • She just released her first album Invasion of Privacy, and while I haven’t heard the whole thing, there are some serious bangers on there.  Yes, I just said that.  It’s what the kids are saying now when a song is cool [go with it].
  • Last fun fact, she just announced on SNL over the weekend that she is pregnant with her boyfriend Offset’s baby.  I have no idea who Offset is, and I will not research it for you.  I need to draw the line somewhere.

Below are some materials to finish rounding out your Cardi B education.  If you can only click on one, I would go with the Aidy B & Carli B from SNL (top), then work your way around in whichever order you chose with  Bruno Mars & Cardi live performance of Finesse, Bodak Yellow video, and Cardi B ranting about taxes [amazing].

Public Service Announcement

Have you ever heard someone say you don’t do that it’s an “unwritten rule.”  Or even worse an annoying situation arises because another person is violating one of these unspoken rules.  I decided this needed to change.  I’m here today to tell you that some of these unwritten rules need to be written into society.  They need to be made common knowledge, and I am here to take that first step.  Click HERE to see the first 5 Unwritten Rules that I have taken upon myself to write down.  Click the picture to see John Cena on Jimmy Kimmel back me up.

What I’m Loving/Hating This Week [it’s a thin line]

Instacart: My love affair with Instacart started well over a year ago, but between you and I- it’s over.  I found some pretty huge price differences and did the math.  Instacart is upcharging more than I thought.  Read the story HERE.

On Netflix: A while back I watched the Amanda Knox documentary, and just re-watched.  I was always rotting for Foxy Knoxy, and after watching the documentary I learned so many details that revealed who may have actually done the murder.  So for my crime loving folk, check it out!

It’s a Royal Throwdown

Tell me you heard about the drama happening in Spain.  Well, apparently Queen Letizia and her mother in law Queen Sofia are how shall we say, not exactly getting along.  In the photobomb heard around the world, Queen Letizia outright refused for Queen Sofia to take a photograph with her daughters following an Easter mass. She blocked the cameras wtih her body and she tried to casually find an excuse to do so, and the two had words.  Sounds innocent enough, well click here or on the image to see what has Spain, aghast.

Because Nostalgia

We all heard, the divorce heard around the world last week.  Jenna and Chan Chan have put out a joint statement announcing their split.  No better time than now to remember the good times.  One of the most epic lip sync battles of all time, with the surprise ending that is so good it makes you understand why people want to take a bite out of her.  Enjoy!

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Surviving Weekly: Volume 3 {4.2.18}

Fancy Meeting You Here

It’s Monday and if you are not on a yacht somewhere in Greece, or something similar, you probably are feeling just like me.  Meh.  My house looks like the Easter bunny exploded here.  There are half open plastic eggs in random corners, candy wrappers, bunny ears, and confetti everywhere.  I am exhausted and fully regretting buying them so many eggs and so much candy because the sugar rush last night was so real.  However they had a blast, and they say these are the moments we will treasure.  Time will tell.

I have done my duty of trolling the internet to bring you the best and most random information you will most likely not need at all, but will be glad you have.

I leave you with this until next week… unless you follow me on instagram then I will likely annoy you very soon…

Some Vital Information To Get You Through This Week

Ripple Donates $29 Million to DonorsChoose.Org

Ripple is a crypto-currency company, and last week they made over 28,000 teachers at over more than 16,000 schools very happy.  DonorsChoose.Org is a site that allows teachers to make wish lists for their classrooms, most in very low income neighborhoods, in the hopes that a random do-gooder will fund their wish list.  These wish lists are full of things like basic classroom supplies, to kindles and other tools that will help engage the students.  The company’s statement was just as heart warming as the gesture as “Ripple employees benefited from quality educations and want to pay it forward.” Perfect Monday morning inpso.  Read the rest of this awesome story here.

In less “important news” but still crucial: We Know Who Bit Beyonce!

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning- Back in January in an interview with GQ, Tiffany Haddish [who is hilarious] told the story of how she met Beyonce back in December at an after party for Jay-Z’s then tour 4:44.

Not only did she get to meet Beyonce, but she said “There was this actress there that’s just, like, doing the mostest. She bit Beyoncé in the face.” However no one would reveal who.  For obvious reasons, this bothered me.  Thank God for the internet.  Somehow the internet was able to work out which actresses were at the party, and began to throw out suspects: Chrissy, Tiegen Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Aniston, Shirley MacLaine, Queen Latifah, Lena Dunham, Sanaa Lathan, and Sara Foster.  So interesting! Here are some of the denials:

Shirley MacLaine’s spokesperson said, “No, Shirley did not bite anything. She’s 83 years old, for God’s sake.”

Lena Dunham:

Chrissy Tiegen:

They all denied it. This bothered me more.  You know what? If I was at a party, and Beyonce was there I may bite her too.  I’ve always secretly wondered if Beyonce was a human, does she bleed? This sounds weird, ok. Maybe she thought Beyonce was a mirage.  I mean clearly drugs are involved.  But if I had bitten Beyonce what I wouldn’t do is go on Twitter and deny it.  Because now you’ve gone from charmingly crazy at a party to certifiable.  Certifiable is not cute. So when Sanaa Lathan was finally confirmed by witnesses as the crazy actress that bit Beyonce this tweet

made an already weird story much more bizarre.  Baby girl, you haven’t done a movie since what? Love & Basketball? You could have used this!  No one can save you now.  May the Beehive have mercy on your soul.  You can read the recap in Page Six here.

Reuinons are Everywhere

#CreekWeek

Last week was the 20th Anniversary of Dawson’s Creek.  Yes 20 Years! Yes that is Grams in that picture and look how good she looks! The cast got together for this photoshoot which makes the 15 year old inside of me so incredibly happy!

With the big anniversary, it also made me want to come clean on one of my deepest darkest TV binges of all time.  You can click HERE and if you don’t want to be my friend after that, I would totally and completely understand.

Jersey Shore Family Reunion Premiering This Jerzday

I am so embarrassed for saying that.  Please hold while I pick up my dignity from the floor.  Ok, so for those of you who don’t speak Jersey Shore, that is this Thursday, April 5.  Full disclosure, I stopped watching Jersey Shore after the first season because well, I just couldn’t bear it.  However this is not a judgment, if you read my confession about Dawson’s Creek you know that I am not in a position to cast any judgment on another’s TV habits.  If you want to get hyped click the picture for a link to the big Jersey Family Vacation Trailer.

What You Should Watch on Netflix 

Chris Rock’s latest standup Tamborine.  Chris Rock is known for being provocative, but he does something different this time around.  He seems more self-reflective in this hour long special.  He’s 53 now, divorced, and realizing even though he is famous dating is not so easy especially when he tries hitting on Rhianna.  After a 10 year hiatus, it was good to see him back and I think better than ever. Yeah. I said it.  Click the picture below for the trailer.

Apps You Need: Hulu

I have been making my case for Hulu for some time now, but I am officially saying you need this now for your Apple TV, Amazon firestick, or just your phone (yes I have it on my phone, don’t judge me you watch Jersey Shore).  The list of reasons is growing by the day.  However I can make my case in a few sentences.  First you can start a 2 week trial for free, and plans start at $7.99 where you can add on no commercials, HBO Showtime and Cinemax for only $13.99.  Second and way more important we are officially 24 days away from Season 2 of A Handmaid’s Tale.  If you have not seen this show, it is a Hulu original and the first season is available there to stream.  This show is AMAZING! I have never heard anyone say they didn’t like it, and it basically won all the awards.  This should be reason enough.  If it isn’t, my last very practical argument is that it has all new episodes of almost any show you watch available.  You don’t have to stress recording anything.  Hulu handles that for you.  So you basically miss, nothing, a TV-bingers dream. Go get it NOW!

Have you met Reel

I just came across this new company in Who What Wear.  If you have a big ticket item you have been wanting, but don’t want to go into debt, Reel is for you.  You register, pick your item, decide how much you want to put towards it and how often, and it automatically withdraws that money from your account to save for the item.  You can save anywhere from $5- $10 and can adjust it at any time.  They keep you motivated, and once you have met the goal they place the order.  Cool idea. Check it out here.

Bless My Balls

Bestie x Bestie was brought to my attention by one of my besties, and I feel obliged to share.  Jenny Slate has become a minor obsession of mine after I watched just one of these episodes, and I quickly, in true form, digested all of them.  Jenny Slate was on SNL but was quickly fired for cursing on air, which was a huge mistake on SNL’s part.  Also makes me love her so much more.  Check out one of her Bestie x Bestie episodes here and fall into a Funny or Die hole that will definitely make Monday bearable.

Was Ross from Friends Actually a Psycho?

Perspective is everything.  Have we been wrong? Was he not just lovably odd? Check out this video of Ross without the “laugh track” behind him.  However I would also lose my shit on a co-work who ate my turkey sandwich.

Surviving Weekly: Volume 2 {3.26.18}

 

So We Meet Again

I want to tell you something inspirational right now, so that you feel like it’s Monday but it’s going to be ok.  However I have nothing.  It’s Monday, my kids are on spring break and I want to play hide and seek and hide somewhere with my coffee where they won’t find me for maybe an hour.  Sigh, I never get more than 10 minutes.  I’m not a good hider.  Also clearly not good at the Monday morning inspo.

However it is my mother’s birthday today.  Slow clap for my mom, Kiki, if not for her you wouldn’t be getting all of these little gems of information… for alas I would not be here.  Happy Birthday, Mom! We all love you! (side note my mom claims she reads my stuff but I kind of know she doesn’t I guess today will be the day we confirm that).

Also on one serious note, I could’t make the march this weekend, but I watched it and was blown away by the incredible strength and determination of these young kids.  If you haven’t had a chance, HERE is Emma Gonzalez’s beautiful 6 minute 20 second speech.

Let’s Survive This Week, Shall We?

Meet Kirby Jenner: My Favorite Kardashian

I stumbled upon Kirby Jenner’s instagram a while back and my life has been filled with so much joy since.  How many instagram accounts can you say that about? For those who have yet to meet him, Kirby, is the self-proclaimed long lost fraternal twin of Kendall Jenner.  Yes you read that correctly.  This beautiful weirdo has masterfully photoshopped himself into over 100 of Kendall’s pictures as well as a few other delightful surprises.  Sometimes I almost convinced he is actually there.

I Blacked Out… Again 

I was sitting in my car just staring out the window, and the sound of an old Taylor Swift song snapped me out of a trance.  “What just happened”. I looked at the time, and realized I had lost an hour of my day. The last thing I remember I was pulling into the parking lot and heading to Target to grab laundry detergent and paper towels.  The next thing I know, I am sitting in the parking lot, a little [more] disheveled, with an AMEX alert on my phone that says $225 spent at Target. “What. Just. Happened.” Read the rest of this page from my future autobiography HERE

Pilot Season Is On Fire 

You get it, because of Station 19- they’re “firefighters” no not funny? Ok, agreed. So here are the pilots I checked out this week…

Station 19- A very charming collection of firefighters right around the corner from Seattle Grey Sloan Memorial West Hospital (I’m not even sure what Grey’s Anatomy calls their hospital anymore).  There’s a love triangle, an almost tragic death, a father daughter relationship with so many layers, a great best friend, and the classic supporting characters yet this show just was Aight.  I used that word.  I had no other word.  That is the only word I can use.  Hulu had the first two episodes available, so I obviously watched both.  I was really hoping the second episode would bring me home, but nope just aight.  Kind of boring.

On My Block- it’s a new series on Netflix and it is 100%.  If you don’t trust me that is their score on Rotten Tomatoes.  The show follows 4 best friends as they enter freshmen year of college in a low income neighborhood, which sounds like it could be sad but it’s so smart and so funny.  The episodes are only around 25 minutes so you can get one or two in without feeling like you fell into the dark TV abyss, or justify it as the reason to watch the entire season in one sitting.  It’s all dependent on your style.  Let me know what you think!

Billions- Season 3 premiered yesterday and it was AWESOME got us so excited for what is coming…

Silicon Valley- Season 5 also appeared, and I didn’t watch it sorry guys but I have a life. Ha! We know this isn’t true but there are only so many hours in my day.  Will definitely catch it at some point this week.

What’s Coming This Week

Roseanne- She’s baaaaaack.  The premiere or re-premiere or return [what are they calling this] of Roseanne is back tomorrow, March 27 on ABC, and from what I understand Dan no longer is dead, she’s tackling a lot of current issues all while grand-parenting.  I’m in!

Alex, Inc.- Zach Braff has a new show premiering on ABC this Wednesday March 28 about a former NPR host turned start up business owner.  We are huge Scrubs fans in our home, so they had me at Zach Braff, however if you need a little more convincing here’s a great article to get you all excited for a new network comedy CLICK HERE

Empire- Season 4 back Wednesday March 28

Suits- Season 7 back March 28

What You Should Watch on Netflix 

Jiro Dreams of Sushi 

Jiro Dreams of Sushi is the story of the then 85 year-old Jiro Ono, who is considered to be the best sushi chef in the world. His reataurant, Sukiyabashi Jiro, is a 10-seat, $300 a plate, sushi-only restaurant and can be found in a Tokyo subway station. Despite it’s humble appearance, Sukiuabashi Jiro, has been awarded the prestigious 3 star Michelin review. People from all over the world make repeated pilgrimage, with reservations months in advance for a coveted seat at Jiro’s sushi bar.  At the heart of this documentary is Jiro’s relationship with his eldest son Yoshikazu, the heir to Jiro’s legacy, who is unable to live up to his full potential in his father’s shadow.

This documentary is a must see for a couple reasons.  First Netflix loves to take it down, and if you don’t catch it while it’s available you may miss your chance for a while. Second, you may find you eat sushi incorrectly, which was one of my major takeaways.  Third it is always moving and inspiring to see someone work so hard and so passionately at something.  I’ve never seen someone give rice or a piece of fish so much love and affection.  Finally, so that you too will want to fly to Japan, go to this subway station and spend $300 on a plate of sushi where you all know you will leave a little hungry but dammit worth the experience, right?

For the People who like to, gasp, READ!

When times get tough, and the anxiety sets in after I cry in the shower (we can discuss this at another time) I like to read things that are good for my soul.  As of late that is Cleo Wade’s book, Heart Talk: Poetic Wisdom for a Better Life.  With little nuggets like “Baby, you are the strongest flower that ever grew, remember that when the weather changes,” this book has something for almost every mood.  Click the link to snag your copy.

In case you were feeling like life wasn’t full of coincidence…

Our President is in quite the pickle with a porn star that shares a name with Kylie Jenner’s daughter except Kylie spelled it with an I because you know, classy.  So now you know two Stormi’s.  Ain’t life grand! Check out Stormy Daniel’s interview with Anderson Cooper HERE.

The History of TV Theme Songs As Told By Jimmy Fallon and Will Smith

This is an absolute must watch.  Not just because the Fresh Prince of Bel Air live performs “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” and all your other theme songs, well actually just because of that.  Enjoy!

My Nominee For the Best Timing in Modern History

I request 34 seconds of your time, so that I may make my case. Click the image, but only if you have a sense of humor.

Just because Arie is still the worst. 

An oldie but a goodie.  A couple years back we took a family trip in an RV for two weeks… you can guess how that went.

 Surviving Weekly: Volume 1 {3.19.18}

Top o’ the Morning To You!

It was St. Patty’s Day this weekend!!! I’m a mother so this means nothing to me, I went to a very civilized dinner to celebrate my mom’s birthday and came home.  But to those who drank green beer and went after it this weekend… I hope you have some good coffee, Advil, and dark sunglesses with you this morning because if you’re reading this newsletter you are probably over 27 and once that has happened to you- you just don’t bounce back like you used to.  So hold on tight, today is probably going to suck just a little more than a regular Monday sucks.

But luckily for you I come bearing gifts…

Some Things To Get You Through This Week

Pilot Season Is Upon Us

What does this mean, I am going to fall on the sword and try to watch as many of them as I can so I can tell you what to avoid. Don’t thank me- honestly, it’s an honor to serve.  Remember I am doing this for you. So far here’s what I have for you:

Rise:  Think dramatized Glee. Ted Mosby (not his name on this show but he will forever be Ted Mosby- if you do not know who this is please google and correct the situation)  is now a high school English teacher feeling uninspired and wanting just a little something more- so he takes on the theatre department, who is currently run by [brace yourselves] Rosie Perez enter a little drama and poof- beautiful inspiration ensues.  Now this show has been overhyped everywhere- do not listen to the hype.  This show is good- it’s watchable.  It’s uplifting and the kids can sing (it’s the girl who voices Moana).  I am going to give this a Proceed with Cautious Optimism flag…

For the People: I wanted this show to be good, so badly.  I will tell you again in case you haven’t read my Confessions of a TV Addict Blog  I am a Shonda Rhimes groupie.  So this show was coming out of her team, and it’s about do-gooder lawyers and they’re all young and attractive (like every single do-gooder lawyers is) with attractive superiors so naturally this show was going to be a homerun.  Sigh, it is not.  It’s about as lame as one of the lead characters name, Sandra Bell.  Look if I am being totally honest, I will probably continue watching because, as we have established, I have a problem.  However, brutal opinion: SKIP!

Premiering this Week

Billions– Back for Season 3 this Sunday, March 25 on Showtime. Billions first two seasons were incredible, if you hadn’t caught it yet I highly recommend!

Station 19– Series Premier this Thursday, March 22 at 10 following Scandal. Grey’s Anatomy spinoff, about young attractive Firefighters around the corner from Sloane Memorial.  Again, please see For the People- this will likely be terrible but I can’t [not] watch.

Rule # 1 for this newsletter: If there is ever a show you feel we should be watching- Always let us know.

Recipe of the Month

Each month, I hope to bring you a recipe that has worked well for us here in our little circus of a home.  Some times I may surprise you and you may get more than one recipe.  This will strictly depend on my level of confidence in the kitchen that month.  However for now, let’s say “month”.  This month- My Abuela’s Picadillo I made a few tweaks here and there because well, health, but this meal is consistently a fave.

In Miami, not all Heroes Wear Capes

Recently in Miami, a man tried to commit a hit and run, but the people of Miami had a different fate in mind.  It involves a few courageous citizens blocking his escape, but the true hero brought down the hammer [literally].  Check out the full article and video here

In Case You Were Feeling Good About Your Finances

Blue Ivy Carter bid $17,000 on an acrylic painting of Sidney Poitier, and then just for fun, raised the bid on herself to $19,000.
You can find the uplifting story on how a 6 year old is living your best life here

What You Should Watch on Netflix

Dave Chappelle is kind of a controversial guy.  I mean he made his way up the stand up comedy ladder, had a hit show on Comedy Central, and just walked away to go to Africa [or something crazy] leaving behind a $50 million offer to stay.   Whatever you think about Chappelle I urge you to put that aside and watch this two part special on Netflix.  My husband and I totally disagree on which one was funnier. Since I have the better sense of humor, take it from me Equanimity is flat out one of the funniest stands ups I have seen in a long time.  However The Bird Revelation definitely had its moments.
Chapelle covers everything from perfectly describing what it felt like to vote in the last presidential election, to finding his son’s rolling papers and it had us crying of laughter.  Each episode is only an hour which is just enough time for you to watch in bed, while only falling asleep for the last couple of jokes. Sorry Chappelle, you are hilarious but after a certain amount of time of me laying in bed falling asleep is just a certainty. Catch it ASAP and let us know which one you thought was better!

Stefon Returns for St. Patty’s Day

You don’t have to be an avid SNL watcher to appreciate Stefon in this clip of SNL from this weekend’s Weekend Update.  Full disclosure, I love Bill Hader, and it’s mostly because he can’t make it through a scene without laughing.  Hit the link for a little St. Patty’s Day giggle…

Lil Dicky Premiers His “Freaky Friday” Video And Kendall Jenner Has a Sense of Humor 

Lil Dicky premiered his video for the song “Freaky Friday”.  I will venture to say that there are some of you that don’t know who Lil Dicky is.  He is a white comedian turned rapper who tells you with his rap name what he’s carrying in his pants.  He’s made songs with Snoop Dog and in 2015 he dropped his first real album, which my husband loved.  Naturally, I hated it.  So unlike with my affinity for Shonda, I really wanted to hate this.  Sigh.  I couldn’t the song is actually pretty catchy and the video is hilarious.  You may or may not have heard people talking about it since it features Chris Brown with cameos by Ed Sheeran and DJ Khaled.  But the real reason is because Kendall Jenner discusses exploring her vagina.  Click here to watch!

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Thank you for following along! I’m hoping to get more and more information on  here that is not important at all BUT sparks a little joy on your Monday mornings.  If you want to forward to someone you think may enjoy, please do! I hope you stay along for the ride…

PS I’m doing a Trivia Quiz on Instagram at 12 Noon EST on my story and some of the answers will come from this quiz. Your shot to win $25 to amazon! Make sure you’re following along! xx