Week 8- Like a Virgin
Bachelor Nation- Assemble! Last week on the Bachelorette we had the hometowns and I want to tell you that this episode was super exciting and maybe the rest of the season will be incredible- but let’s be real. Becca is so nice but a little bit of a papa sin sal (directly translating to a potato without salt). I know you catch my drift.
Jason: I think Jason is a strong contender to be the next Bachelor. I feel like he is a great guy with a lot going for him, and rarely does that guy get picked at the end because it would make too much sense. Shout out to Ashley, Trista and Des for making the solid choice. They made out on a zamboni, which I joked on my instagram story is a little lame, but somehow he pulled it off.
Blake: Another solid contender for the Bachelor. He seems really into Becca, and has a lot going for him as far as family and career go. He planned an incredible date, when he had some girl I have never heard of come and put on a special concert for Becca. Apparently this is one of Becca’s favorite singers, and she knew all the words to all the songs. I refer back to my papa sin sal comment, but what do I know maybe this singer is the next big thing. If i have to guess I think Blake goes on to final 2.
Colton- As I mentioned already is the one who goes home, due to some minor drama with Tia. He took Becca to the kid’s hospital where he volunteers his time to children with cystic fibrosis. Our favorite virgin contender then took her home to meet his parents, and we found out he looks exactly like his mother. I digress, the date also seemed to go really well but he got sent packing. Already announced he will be on Bachelor in Paradise with gasp! Tia! Should be entertainingAF
Garrett: The guy that Becca will inevitably pick at the end. This is just my guess people. He seems like a nice enough guy, but something about him just gives me the creeps. I can’t put it into words. I think something is up with him. The date seemed to go well enough. While Jason had her play hockey and make out on a zamboni, and Blake planned an entire concert for her, and Colton took her to the kids hospital where he volunteers his time…. Garrett had her plant tomatoes so if this isn’t love I don’t know what is.
See you in the fantasy suits, ya’ll
Week 7- So Who is Getting a Hometown
We’ve made it to that part of the season where Becca pretends to struggle over who she is going to pick for hometown dates. We have 6 guys and two have to go home between Colton, Jason, Garrett, Blake, Wills, and Leo. Here’s the quick recap:
Colton: the first one on one of the episode and the men are up in arms because Colton is carrying a secret he has yet to reveal- he is a VIRGIN. It’s hard to believe as he is a former professional football player and so adorable, but I believe him. Either way Becca completely over reacts. I mean there are worse secrets a guy can drop on you, and as a friend, Becca, get it together. You came off a littler pervy seeming so disappointed that you won’t be sleeping with him in the fantasy suite. Colton got a rose.
Garrett: I am still convinced more than ever that he is a serial killer. This is not because of the scandal over his social media behavior. Mostly because he smiles in a way that makes me feel like he could just erupt at any moment. Anyway, I digress. Garrett got a rose.
Blake: Blake was the original front runner, and he was starting to emotionally spiral because he hadn’t spent time with Becca since their first one on one (4 weeks ago). I still think Blake is the most normal (not a high bar) and will likely win. Their date was about as exciting as watching my girls do Rainbow Looms. Blake got a rose.
Wills/Jason/Leo: triple date. I will note here as I did on my IG story that Wills is the by far the most stylish interesting bachelor in history. Some of the clothes he wears transcends logic and makes you question everything- but it works. Anyway after an awkward 3 on 1 Becca ultimately choses Jason, the financial guy from Buffalo. Womp Womp… Bachelor Nation left devastated, because Wills truly was the hero we all needed this season.
I will leave you with wise words from Chris Harrison:
See you next week!
Week 6- Becca was looking at bridal magazines and not even Chris Harrison understands why
This week’s episode brought us to Richmond, Virginia. I have decided that the Bachelor franchise either really hates Becca, or they have spent their entire budget securing the cast of Bachelor in Paradise. In the over 10 years I’ve seen this show, never has there ever been such a boring city selection outside of hometowns. So what is it guys? If being in Richmond isn’t boring enough (sorry to the good people of Richmond, but you have to be able to agree that out of all the places in the world- Richmond doesn’t really make the list of the most incredible), the dates were absolutely mind numbingly terrible.
I will keep this short and sweet.
The first one on one was with Jason and she took him to a Church that is associated with Edgar Allen Poe and then to a goth ritual. The group date took the men on a trip to a museum to meet an Abraham Lincoln impersonator, and then they had to debate to win her affection. The last one on one date with Leo/Fabio was to go oyster shucking. I’m telling you- truly terrible.
The “drama” of the week was Lincoln and the guy that looks like Danny Woods from NKOTB fighting (Chris). However it had all the appeal of watching two old ladies argue for the last pack of cookies at a grocery store.
Lincoln, Danny Woods and Connor went home.
Week 5- I completely missed it
I went on vacation, recorded the episode, and definitely decided not to watch. I assumed that nothing that surprising would happen, and whatever did I could catch up on the following week… guess what- I was right!frs
Week 3- Is anyone here still alive
I’m convinced now more than ever that this is the worst season in a long time. This is saying a lot. Considering there was a girl that made taxidermy last season. However we will soldier on because no one here is a quitter. Just get on my back and I will carry us to the finish line. From what I’ve heard Becca is happily engaged AND we must know how this plays out because right now I just don’t see it.
Colton – Tia Drama
We got the scoop straight out of Tia’s mouth that she did in fact date Colton, but it didn’t work because of the distance. When Becca asked her if she thought Colton was here hoping that Tia was the Bachelorette- Tia responded with a “possibly.” I have to just say it- because someone has to say it. WHO CARES! Seriously Becca, you and Tia “became friends” dating the same guy, so why all of a sudden is it a big deal that Colton dated Tia. It’s kind of the basis for your entire friendship. Journey on. Colton is adorable and Tia (the girl you met 3 months ago) is not actually on the show right now for the right reasons. I’m a hoes over bros kind of girl, but Tia is not your friend, and you have slim pickings. You can’t afford to lose one of the only men who can make a complete sentence so soon in the game.
Jordan MUST GO!
Enough! He isn’t even good TV. It’s actually painful to watch him. I watch the Bachelor so that I can be mindless. He makes me think to much. He says things like ‘ingenuinity” and “professionality” and I have to sit up and google it and be sure that it isn’t a word, because he says it was such conviction. Then I go down a spiral of emotions wondering how someone has made it to this point in his life without ever reading. Now I’m sad. It just ruins it for me.
It’s time Bachelor producers to just let the guy go.
Blake is going to win.
Clay is a professional football player. He was so pumped because he was going on a group date to play football and he was going to be able to show Becca what it’s like in his element. He got too into it and ended up injured! Gasp! He got the group date rose, but at the end of the episode had to leave because his hand required surgery. He pretended (fairly well) like this was a hard decision for him. He even made it seem for a split second like he was going to stay for “love” but then remembered he makes a LOT of money playing football and his momma was probably like “you get your ass on that plane right now and get the surgery!” So he went home and gave the rose back.
Stay tuned for more tonight and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram where I faithfully tune into the Bachelorette each Monday and feature it on my story
Oh wow! My story was extra long this week and it wasn’t pretty. If we are being honest, we all have to admit outright that the producers of The Bachelorette have gone too far this season. With the exception of a few, they stacked Becca’s deck with some of the most outrageous personalities. They brought some of these men just for the TV they would make. I know they always do this in some way, but this is a little much. Here are my takeaways from last week:
Chris Harrison is an Asshole- That’s Right I said it.
Yo, Chris Harrison! Haven’t you put Becca through enough?
Yo Chris Harrison, while I still have your attention can you also stop rubbing Becca’s nose in that excruciating break up you made her endure on un-edited television. I would link you to a clip of it, but seriously can we stop talking about it. Just for her sake.
For those that missed the episode, Chris Harrison, aka the producers wanted to plan Becca’s first one on one. They chose for Becca and Blake (one of the only viable options) to go to a warehouse in the middle of nowhere. What was in this warehouse you ask? Only all the memorabilia that exists in regards to Becca and Arie’s relationship (obviously). They had TV’s going replaying the highlights of their relationship (including the breakup). They even had the couch that Becca and Arie actually sat in when they broke up. I mean, can this get any more romantic? It can! You can have Lil John from the Eastside Boyz serenading you while you do it.
If I was Blake- I’d be pretty upset. Most people on the first one on one get to get on private planes to Vegas or another city. Others go on boats or take really romantic car rides down the coast to a cool activity. Blake gets to go to a warehouse filled with Becca’s ex-fiance’s face. NOT COOL Chris Harrison.
Lincoln Needs to Go
Do we all know who Lincoln is? Well let me remind you HERE is the article where people who know him claim he poops in public areas. As if this isn’t enough to say- why does Becca still have you around?! How about his blatant cheating in the obstacle course on the group date. Touche to the producers for not pointing out the cheating to Becca, but do tell the other men to really stir shit up. Naturally this leads to all the men hating Lincoln, and chaos ensues into the night time date.
After exactly 1 hour of time with Becca and just one kiss Lincoln actually said, “Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a Pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold”
I’m calling this from right now – Lincoln is not here for the right reasons. Gasp!
The Producers are Backing Zoolander
Jordan is the male model from Crystal River, FL I believe. You know because all major fashion models live in Crystal River, FL. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be mean to the good people of Crystal River. But I’m not wrong.
This guy also has to go and the producers won’t let her get rid of him. My evidence you ask? He’s quoted Zoolander more than once, but never in a funny way. He just says things like “being a model is more than being incredibly good looking,” seriously. If that is not enough he male model strutted through the rose ceremony in just his underwear and proceeded to tell Becca that he wished he had a small mini me version of himself to sit on his shoulder. Yet she kept him…. they better have upped her pay for that.
The Chicken is still in the game!
Colton– is still a virgin but has quite the dating record. On top of having dated Aly Raisman as we discussed last week he also dated Tia from Arie’s season and one of Becca’s friends. This should be interesting and such a coincidence Tia will be on the show tonight! Forget Becca the producers are actual evil geniuses and deserve the raise.
Stay tuned for more tonight and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram where I faithfully tune into the Bachelorette each Monday and feature it on my story and promise to make it shorter this time or you can call me ingenuinity.
Bachelor Nation- Assemble! Last week Becca K met her band of merry men that will take her on her journey to find love and her “happily ever after.” For those who didn’t catch the season premier or my IG story, it was extra.
If I’m being brutally honest: there’s 1-3 viable candidates. The other 12 men are definitely just for the producers to toy with.
- Becca is not off to the best start, being that Garrett, the lucky man who got the first impression rose is being called out by the entire internet [literally the entire internet] for liking some pretty hateful stuff on Instagram.
- There is a Male Model, yes that is what it says under his name as “career”, and he basically ruined Derek Zoolander for me. I still can’t tell if he was trying to be funny by quoting Zoolander or is actually saying things like “being a model is more than just being incredibly good looking.”
- There is a former professional football player who claims to have his V card ala Tim Tebow. He also happened to date Aly Raisman. I’m predicting he makes it far, based off the really small pool of men you can have an actual conversation with and he is a former football player so he’s obviously in good shape.
- Kamil- so many DM’d me about this guy and his interesting “career”. Kamil was listed as a Social Media Participant. Does that mean he has a phone… with instagram… or just unemployed? Did some digging and apparently he’s a former soccer player turned model who actively participates on social media.
- There was a man dressed as a chicken that I actually love. I typically do not like the whole dress like an animal on our first date, but something about this guy was adorable. I’m calling it he makes it to the top 3.
- I am also going to say that I’m picking Blake to make it to the final 2. The man wore a red blazer, and somehow pulled it off. This is no easy feat.
Stay tuned for more tonight and don’t forget to follow me on Instagram where I faithfully tune into the Bachelorette each Monday and feature it on my story.