SW 29 {10.31.18} Oh Look Another Glorious Morning

Makes Me Sick! 

I haven’t sent a newsletter the last three weeks. Is it a coincidence that I’m back today, Halloween? Yes actually- complete coincidence.  I was never really one for Halloween.  I do love Hocus Pocus though.

The coincidence is still not lost on me, and then it hit me.  I am going to tell you why I haven’t written the last couple weeks using mostly Hocus Pocus GIFs because 1) It’s Halloween; 2) I love that movie; and 3) I have a talent for storytelling via GIF and want to show off:

Under this rough and rugged exterior- I’m a sensi.  That is, I am a sensitive person.

I asked my friend if they liked my newsletter and she replied:

It was

COLD!

That made me

Then I felt

She was like don’t be mad, calm down to which I said

Then I thought about it and realized…

and here we are…

Find the full story is HERE.  I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out when they read the story last week.  You really know how to make a girl feel

Pulled together some spooky stuff from all around the internet.  Will be back next week…

xx
Cristina

A Glimpse of Dracula’s Castle 

In the mountains of Transylvania sits this rather idyllic yet slightly gothic castle.  Bran Castle to be more precise.  Legends say that Vlad the Impaler was once a prisoner in the dungeon for a couple of days, but that’s probably bull shit.

Transylvania needed money, so they found the most haunted looking castle and advertised it as Dracula’s home- fast forward a few decades and tour companies now rent it out for Halloween parties with jello shots and DJ’s.  If God is good, they play Michael Jackson’s Thriller on repeat.

Check out the full article HERE.

Spooky Standouts 

What did the witch do with the paddle board? She paddle boarded obviously! Not just one either, hundreds of witches paddled down the Willamette River in Portland over the weekend.  Check it out HERE.

525,600 Minutes. Rent will be the next live musical airing on Fox.  Seems like they just announced their young new cast, and I just went from sort of interested to super excited.  Find the full article HERE.

Phantom of the Charity. To raise money for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, the CFDA and Bank of America have asked 30 American fashion brands to rethink the Phantom’s iconic mask. Read the full article HERE.

Ever wonder what Puff Daddy would look like if he were ever frightened? Apparently Ellen was wondering something similar when she had him on her show last week.  Luckily for us she did it live and we all got to see it.  Watch it HERE.

Can’t get enough? Watch HERE to see a montage of Ellen “boo” moments.

Jimmy Kimmel Made Me Do It. Don’t Forget to pretend to eat you kid’s candy and film the reaction and upload it to You Tube for Jimmy Kimmel. Or you can really eat their candy, and pretend it’s lost.  Really just depends on the type of parent you are I guess.  For full instructions click HERE.

TV Addict Update  

As we have established, time and time again, I watch too much TV.  Well while I was away not writing newsletters- I was still watching a ton of TV.  You would be proud to hear that I am three episodes away from finishing Downton Abbey.  Do not tell me how it ends…. 

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: (Netflix) This show is not what I was expecting.  For some reason I was thinking this show would be colorful and cheery- it is definitely, but most definitely not.  Don’t be like me- go in eyes wide open.  It is a dark and spooky.  I didn’t give it a chance, but it captured me at the end.  I like her.  I like her and was intrigued at the end by “the dark baptism”.  Since Stranger Things doesn’t seem to becoming for us any time soon, I would suggest this one.

A Discovery of Witches: Based on Deborah Harkness’ best-selling All Souls Trilogy we see the love between a vampire and a witch play out.  Who does not love a vampire love story? Particularly when that vampire is played by Matthew Goode. It has not premiered yet, and actually will not until January 2019 (I will let you know, TRUST). I want to get you properly hyped.  Check out the trailer HERE or click the image.

Premiering This Friday, November 2:

  • Homecoming : (Amazon Prime) Julia Roberts is starring on a TV show!  Only the biggest movie star, ever, on a TV show.  God bless you, Jeff Bezos.  Is there nothing you can’t do? Amazon’s newest thriller.  Click HERE for the trailer.      
  • House of Cards: (Netflix) Premiering it’s 6th and final season {without Kevin Spacey}.

What’s on my list to watch next? 
Have a suggestion? Let me know

Halloween Hangover:
Worst sugar crash you’ve ever experienced; Usually Happens the Morning after Halloween. It can be combined with alcohol.
Since its invention in 1898 by the Herman Goelitz Confectionary Company of Fairfield, California (now known as the Jelly Belly Candy Company), candy corn has become wildly popular — so much so that today, nearly 35 million pounds of the stuff is produced each year
My eyes are now wide open and now realize I’ve been used to spread messages I don’t believe in. I am distancing myself from politics and completely focusing on being creative !!!
John Krasinski pranks Jimmy Kimmel in a pretty epic way.
Jimmy Kimmel Halloween Candy Prank 2017 for some inspiration

Insert Confidence Here.

Confidence is a funny, funny thing.  I have to believe that even the most confident people we know are faking it some of the time.  I don’t believe there is anyone who is 100% confident in what they are doing all of the time- and if there is someone out there, I have to assume they’re an idiot.

A little over three weeks ago, I got a less than stellar review on my writing.  This is obviously not the first, as a few months ago one man emailed me to tell me how my blog was the “worse thing” he’s “ever read”,  and I know it will not be the last. However, reviews from strangers seem to sting a little less than when you hear criticism from someone you respect.  

This particular review came from a person that matters to me a great deal (please excuse me as I am in the midst of a deep Downton Abbey binge and I now speak like there is a little old Countess from 19th century Yorkshire living inside of me).  

I hold this person in very high regard and I value this person’s opinion more than most people I know.  This person has gone on to tell me that they didn’t like my newsletter, and didn’t find that I was very funny in it.  This hurt deeply.

Now don’t get me wrong here, I am acutely aware that I have flaws.  Many flaws. I see a therapist often enough to have a very long list of all the ways I come up short.  This review really struck a chord in me, and when it came time to write a newsletter the following week, I just couldn’t.

Each week I put a little piece of myself out into the universe, and I definitely do not expect everyone to like it.  Just as I don’t expect everyone I meet to think I’m irresistibly charming, just most people. I’m kidding {sort of}. So why has this review gotten so under my skin?

I write because I love it.  I write because sometimes I have so many thoughts that run through my mind if I don’t get them out I may malfunction.  Thoughts about the tiniest, and I mean minuscule details of my day- that if I don’t write some of these thoughts down, my brain may just overload.  

I write because I like to make light of things and find the funniest way to look at certain situations.  I think laughter does more for our soul than almost anything. Humor can make everyday things a little more fun.  Humor can bring a much needed moment of levity during tragedy or grant a moment of relief when things seem dark.  That small moment can be what helps get you through the day.

I like to make people laugh.  Life is tough. Sometimes we can work ourselves in a ball of stress over big or even little things.  Laughter grants us some perspective, and when you are parenting this perspective is crucial.

A few years ago, I was in the battle of a lifetime potty training our middle daughter, Dylan.  I had undressed my older daughter, Blake, and placed her in the bathtub and placed Dylan on the toilet seat to do #2 before putting her in the tub with her sister.  I was feeling proud of myself because experience had shown me this was wise if I didn’t want an another accident in the tub (I definitely had more accidents in the tub).   I gave instructions to Dylan that I would be right back as I had to go get our baby, Tristan from his playpen to join them. There I was humming along to Pharell’s “Happy” (that song was non-stop in my house at the time), in a jolly mood when suddenly I was stepping in something smushy.   Apparently Dylan had already done #2… in my hallway…. and I was now stepping in it. Literally. Stepping. In. SHIT. I was a living cliché.

If you cannot laugh at stepping in poop, barefoot, in the hallway of your home- you will not survive parenting my friend.  At least not with your sanity.

Any how, back to that person who slammed my newsletter.  Truthfully I was really angry with that person. I used this negative review as a legitimate reason not to write anymore. However, I was wrong.  My friend had an opinion, and there is nothing wrong with that. 

It got to me, because I have a raging insecurity and anxiety about my writing.  This review was my worst nightmare.  If my dear friend could not like my newsletter- what do other people think?  I couldn’t find the confidence to send another one out.  That’s on me.  I shouldn’t allow someone else’s opinion, good or bad, affect me to the point that I stop doing something I want to do.

I love to write. I hope other people love to read it, or even just like it when they’re bored at work or waiting for an appointment somewhere. Either way- whether people like it or not, I am going to keep doing it as much as I can.

I got these two negative reviews, and they pushed me to completely overlook the love and support from so many others.  Starting this blog and the newsletter have allowed me the chance to make new friendships and have so many hilarious conversations with people from all over.  A perk that I did not ever see coming.

Why is it that we tend to focus on the negative, when we are constantly surrounded by so much positive?  

I guess we can leave that for another day.

I am going to promise that I will try my best to not allow someone else’s opinion affect me this way again.  

xx

Cristina

SW 28: {10.1.18} It’s October!

Welcome to the Twilight Zone

I had an entire intro prepared for you today that got completely side tracked by a comment my father made at dinner last night.

We were discussing all the new pilots we watched that week {this should not be a surprise to you} and the conversation suddenly turned into the funniest sitcoms of all time.  I love a funniest sitcom of all time conversation! As you can imagine we threw out all the obvious contenders Friends, Modern Family, Lucy, Golden Girls, How I Met Your Mother, The Goldbergs, and maybe you have now started to notice that Seinfeld is not on this list.  Seinfeld is on EVERYONE’s top comedy list. Right?

Are you sitting down? My father has unequivocally declared that Seinfeld is not funny.  He even specifically calls out the Soup Nazi as the prime example for “boring”.  My father literally stood up, threw air quotes around “No soup for you” and said “that is absolutely not funny.”

The table gave a resounding “are you FORKING kidding me?” Someone even did an Elaine dancing.  The puffy shirt!

Who was this man? My father?

I was so disenchanted.  You have to understand my father is my first comedy hero.  He can make ANYONE laugh no matter the scenario- if he wants to.  A gift truly.  My father does not like Jerry Seinfeld and do not even get him started on Larry David.  His head almost exploded at the mere mention of Larry’s name.

How can one of my comic heroes, truly despise another one of my comic heroes?  Made me wonder.  If I brought Jerry to have dinner with my family would Jerry think my father was funny?

Then I moved onto a much funnier fantasy that involved locking my dad in a room with Larry David with a TV that only plays The Big Bang Theory (because obviously they both hate that one) and see who makes it out alive.

Seems like everything was absolutely bat shit crazy this last week.  I mean the news cycle was one delusional outlandish thing after the other.  Cover most of the craziest moments below, and included a few other things that give us hope and make us laugh.

xx
Cristina

Breast Cancer Awareness Month 

HOPEFUL NEWS

The aim of Breast Cancer Awareness Month is to raise as much awareness about breast cancer and funds to help people fight it.

In a very brave and beautiful way Serena Williams is helping raise awareness with a new campaign she did in collaboration with the I Touch Myself Project to remind women to put their health first.    She can be seen singing  “I Touch Myself” acapella and topless.  To help spread the word on the importance of women giving themselves a self-exam.

You can check out the Breast Cancer Network Australia

or you can visit the National Breast Cancer Foundation or Susan G. Komen to find out what to look for or make at home or make a donation in the fight against breast cancer.

Shit Was CRAZY this Last Week 

Anyone want a beer?  Too soon to joke? We can all agree that what is happening with the nomination for Supreme Court is disheartening and disturbing for many many reasons.

So thank God for Saturday Night Live.  It’s controversial obviously people are offended- but I think they really sort of nailed it. Click the image for the link.

Lindsay Lohan can Speak Russian and Arabic?  How do I know? So glad you asked! Lindsay was live on her Instagram when she found a family of Syrian (assumed) refugees sleeping on the ground.  Lindsay proceeded to harass this family for 10 minutes, ultimately accusing them of trafficking the children.  Boy was she wrong.  At around the 9:00 mark the mother of these boys literally punches Lindsay in the face. I CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP. Find that HERE.

Love Yourself As Much As Kanye Loves Kanye. Kanye (let the record show he now wants you to refer to him as Ye, but I think it’s ridiculous and will not participate) was the musical guest o SNL over the weekend.  He brought on some of the cast and host, Adam Driver and then well… you can watch HERE The reason this is really striking the wrong cord with, well, everyone besides maybe Donald Trump, is he said the 13th Amendment should be abolished. Later on Twitter he said “amended” but you can see the problem…

I definitely need to increase how much I save monthly.     Elon Mosk stepping down as chairman of Tesla and had to pay a $20 million fine.  Full article HERE. How does one afford a $20 Million fine?!  #hottamale

Some Happy Thoughts

Anyone need a laugh? I know after this shit show I do. Well Buzzfeed is here to serve, here are 14 tweets from the weekend that are just funny. Click HERE.

Ina Garten is out with a new cookbook, Cook Like a Pro! If you don’t absolutely love Ina, it’s because you don’t know her well enough.  I won’t walk that back.  It’s true.  She’s wonderful.  Hugging her is on my bucket list.  Don’t believe me, HERE is a lovely article about her, and it’s lovely because obviously an article about her would have to be.

On a Scale of 1-10 Millie Bobby Brown is an 11.  Ok cheesy very obvious jokes aside, Millie, Millie Bobby (not sure what to call her) took the stage at a Maroon 5 in Nashville in place of our girl, Cardi Cardi, and Millie killed it! Check that HERE. Because any excuse to hear “Girls Like You.”

God Bless My Little Balls!  One of my most favorite Bestie x Besite episodes ever! Jenny Slate and Gabe Liedman try to come up with a new catch phrase.

TV Addict Update  

As we have established, time and time again, I watch too much TV.

What’s on my list to watch next?  I need a new show! What do you got?!
Have a suggestion? Let me know

HERE is a good list c/o Thrillist of suggestions for things you can quickly binge on Netflix if you’re looking for a good binge post Jack Ryan.

Manifest: This show was my favorite pilot of the week.  I came in with high expectations because there was the comparison to Lost, BUT it had a good twist.  I’m intrigued and love the characters.  I would definitely recommend. (find on NBC and Hulu)

Single Parents: I thought there was no chance that Blair Waldorff could be funny- but I was so wrong.  It’s a sitcom comedy so everyone take it for what it is.  An easy 20 minutes with some decent jokes.  Also I’m just a sucker for Brad Garrett- everything he does is hysterical to me. (ABC and Hulu)

A Million Little Things: The life of a group of friends post one of their friends taking his life.  It’s just as sad as it sounds.  I feel like it’s ABC’s answer to This is Us only with an even more depressing plot if possible.  Look people liked this one, and there is something that happens in the Pilot that kind of traps you into the next one.  This show will either surprise everyone and be incredible or be the absolute biggest piece of shit ever. #tbd #stillgoingtowatch (ABC and Hulu)

New Amsterdam: People really loved this one.  The main character is the husband from Blacklist (totally adorable he just has that weird hot nerd vibe), and it’s a totally ideal premise.  There are so many cheesy turns in the Pilot that would normally make me hate it- but I didn’t.  I’m in for the next episode.  I don’t recommend it seriously, but if you are looking for a decent medical drama with major predictability- this is your jam.

Delusional:
characterized by or holding idiosyncratic beliefs or impressions that are contradicted by reality or rational argument, typically as a symptom of mental disorder.based on or having faulty judgment; mistaken.

the being formally known as Kanye West

I am YE

Late Night part happy and mind numbing and the other makes you want to bash your head through the wall. #america
Jimmy and Chrissy answer Loaded Questions and take shots to avoid giving answers #happy
John Oliver giving a synopsis of what happened this week
#twilightzone

Banana Banana Bread

Ever have one of those moments where it is glaringly obvious that you are a mother.  One of those moments for me was the day I had the urge to make banana bread.

My kids go into phases with their food.  Some weeks they will eat a pack of 8 bananas in 2 days and other weeks 4 of the 8 bananas just sit there and I ended up throwing them away.   I don’t know when this started bothering me, but one day I just couldn’t toss them.  I googled a recipe for banana bread until I found one where I had most of the ingredients and it was just downhill from there.  I began hoping they would leave a couple bananas behind for me.  (WTF has become of me?!)

Anyway this recipe from Genius Kitchen has been a huge hit in my family.  It doesn’t need much and it’s absolutely delicious.  Enjoy!

 

What you’ll need:

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 350°.
  2. Lightly grease 9 x 5 loaf pan or a 8″ cake pan
  3. In large bowl, combine flour, soda and salt.
  4. In separate bowl, cream together butter and brown sugar.
  5. Stir in eggs and mashed bananas until well blended.
  6. Stir banana mixture into flour mixture; stir just to moisten.
  7. Pour batter into prepared loaf pan.
  8. Bake in preheated oven for 60-65 minutes if using a Loaf Pan and 40-45 minutes in a cake pan or until a toothpick inserted into center of loaf comes out clean.
  9. Let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack.